The evil fruit enchants my sight
with strive for perpetual delight,
teach me now the words to utter,
end this game of nightly flutter.
Show me my new world lacking this endless repute
surrounding this undone soul of the evil fruit.
Attain this night and try to see
my lurking mind's fallen banshee.
She comes to me to teach a thought,
her eyes have seen a mind’s distraught,
each dilatory hour her soft songs recite
along paths made of knowledge I attain this night.
© Jay H.
November 5, 2007
Author notes
It's always a hard road to learn new things. To learn things about others, to learn things about random topics, to learn a new language... It never happens overnight, but continue for a long time until everything is learned. Knowledge doesn't come for free; we must earn it.
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WRAPPED REFRAIN
The Wrapped Refrain, created by Jan Turner, consists of 2 stanzas of 6 lines each;
Meter: 8,8,8,8,12,12 and Rhyme Scheme: a,a,b,b,c,c.
Refrain rule: In each stanza the first 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) in the first line must be the last 4 syllables (or 4 single-syllable words) at the end of the last line. This is what wraps each
stanza with a repeated refrain ...thus, the Wrapped Refrain.
Optional: The first stanza refrain and last stanza refrain can be joined (or loosely joined) together
for the title of the poem.
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html
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Entry in the contest:
"Take A Sip Of Inspiration" by Asfand
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A contest entry
- Take A Sip Of Inspiration by Asfand.
800 points, ended January 11, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think - be as bold as you can; I don't break.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wonderfully written, you work very well with forms i have noticed!
well done
love light & laughter
Tasha
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I love form poetry a lot and the challenge it brings out, so I try to use it as much as possible. I still have sooo much to learn... But that's one of the best things about it.
Thanks a lot for your comment; it means a lot to me. ^_^
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I am always surprized how people pull of these forms. Very nicely done. It stayed a little from the in-depth picture I wanted of the conversation, but very nicely formed!
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I'm not completely satisfied with this piece, because it really didn't go as deep as I wanted either. Wasn't my best of days of writing, I could say lol
Thanks for your words and the comment; they mean a lot to me!
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The topic lent itself perfectly to this form! I just tried one of these myself, and I rather like them. An excellent write...
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I like this form too, a lot really. I found it a difficult one at first but it was very rewarding at the end.
Thanks for your kind words and the comment; they mean a lot!
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I am so very impressed! This is beautiful work. I haven't been following you as closely as I should. You have a wonderful gift as a formal poet. Your work, this one included flows like silk with vivid imagery. Formal yet nothing is forced. I love it.
Love,
Amera♥
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Trust me, not all of them flow this well and not all of them are that good. But I guess that comes for granted when it comes to poetry; we have our good writes and our bad writes. If there weren't the bad ones, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good ones
Thanks again for your kind words and the comment; they - still - mean the world to me!
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This is an excellent write, and I am absolutely thrilled to see you writing in form. I do every once in a while, but they come out sounding a little strained. Not so with this poem!! Excellent job and best of luck in the contest!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I love writing in forms, thought this one was new to me. First try; not so good result. But I'm pretty proud of this piece all the less; I usually end up screwing up the forms on my first try... lol
Thanks for your kind words and the comment; you know they mean a lot to me!
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