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inside of me

i think and think
of what is going in my mind
thoughts that are not fun
and thoughts that scare me
over the years
i have thoughts of self destuction
on my own body
no self esteem
no happiness
its all bad, very bad
it won't go away
it won't go away
why is my mind thinking this way
why is it so bad
i just want to think happy thoughts
thoughts that will make me laugh
but no i have to have thoughts of pain and guilt
this is what is inside of my brain
that won't go away
can i help it, no
but i can stop thinking
but it is hard
to stop, it is to hard
will it ever go away
no not at all

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • pain is strength
    October 24

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    good...

    i think this poem has alot of potential. it is dark and carries out a message..but the message should be a bit more detailed. u have alot of built up anger and depression..i can see that...just try to word it out to your advantage. if u dont quit understand what i am saying then just message me back. and like i said u have alot!!! of potential. keep it up. pain is strength.

  • pain is strength
    October 24
    Edit | Reply

    good..


  • icyrose
    November 5, 2007

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    good poem here...poetry is a great medicine for getting out feelings of anger and frustration. I have definitely been in this exact position, and poetry and music got me through it. We have to remember life goes on despite everything.
    The flow was good, I would have used more metaphorical speech but the message is very strong and the image is etched like a haunting cry in the reader's mind. Good, strong poem!

    Good Luck!


  • XMISERABLExHAVOCx
    November 5, 2007

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    its pretty good... i think you could be a little more specific, like when you say, "i just want to think happy thoughts" wat kind of thoughts? its pretty cool tho

  • tigerface
    November 5, 2007

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    another hit once again

    i really like this one as well
    i do suggest on thing tho
    in the line where you wrote
    "this is what is inside of my brain"
    i suggest head or thoughts instead of brain
    it just kinda sounds better
    other than that its great, i really like it

1 - 5 of 5