The water trade

The Japanese call it ‘the water trade’
When the ‘clouds and the rain’ gather
It’s a small country
What else can they do?

Always fucking, these people
And I am Gaijin—a target, a party favor
She smiles, eyes like sapphires
Burning into me; mystery and madness

Her bed is soft
She moans my name in broken English
I grunt and thrust
My eyes losing focus into the distance and...

    I see it, something, over and over, pain recedes with the tide of oneness and I am saying ‘I love you’ and she is saying my name and over and over and over and I am gone and escape and words flashing and hands grabbing, groping and piercing her I spin and the world turns and I close my eyes and oh my god the clouds and the rain…

She gets dressed and says something stupid
I agree and turn over
Gathering blankets; I feel sick
I push her out of my life without a thought.

Another night, rain hits my shoulders
I live…somewhere, sometimes in Japan
Mostly in my memory do I reside
I had love, once upon a time…

Again the eyes; another party; another night
Hello-lets fuck?
Another bed; murdering my youth
And the pain subsides and...

    I am fucking her skull with all my might—she loves it. I hate her for it. This fucking circus in which I exist. She’s saying my name, whoever she is. I say ‘I love you’ and she is screaming now like a banshee, gurgling with pleasure, sounds like a baby. I stop as the sky parts and I see God.

I am a thing, no longer human
Sex and sex and madness and madness
I just want to go home
And be with her, but I can’t...

    I am jerking off, alone, thinking of you my love. How long can I do this? My hand moves faster and faster and Oh Yeah! I am sky high! wooh! One day I'll cum home forever and the bells will sing and the clouds and the rain and EYEAH!

Next month I move to China
where the girls are faster
and the nights are longer
where perhaps I can kill my memory.