They swing along the dancing water
Enveloped in its frothy gown
The endless whispers float and splatter
Reverse and forward, up and down
Same changing rhythms never ending.
Curved spirals stretching for the shore
Stroke up the thirsty sand awaiting
For the soaked ground to unseal its core
Between the shore and restless ocean
The unceasing run to break apart
To feel the sand in standing motion
For one glimpse throbbing of the heart
Beneath the stars the lace blood lingers
Mid pristine waves of cellophane
Caught in the whorl's white curling fingers
Each crash in yearn to loose the chain
Ghosts of bliss rising on the shoreline
Enwrap the sand and water skin
As the white froth seeks for the earth's shrine
To entomb its tumult deep within
Under the moonlight's gloomy painting
In endless flowing with the tide
The waves stroke up the sand awaiting.
When will the whisper die inside?
Author notes
if two became one...
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Oh! This is SO BEAUTIFUL
You are a wonderful rhymer. I like only rhyming poetry. Yours is excellent.
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Thank you very much! I love rhyming poetry too and I'm a sticker for finding a perfect rhythm. This is one of my favourites. I'm glad you enjoyed it
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i have almost no idea what you are expressing here.
there seems to be an abundance of imagery that's leading nowhere. there's just too much of it all.
your biggest strength is your descriptions. especially the ones of nature. i think you could write something far more powerful than this if you added some emotion and played around with structure.
some clarity might help out. it seems you got so caught up with your beautiful descriptions that you forgot what you were trying to express in the first place
thank you for entering
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To me everything in this description is metaphorical, the waves and the shore, the attempt to join together as one. I thought the metaphor of the whispers,the throbbing of the heart, etc somehow gave life to the description and made it more obvious it's not about nature but about longing for that something and someone. Anyway, each sees things with different eyes and I noticed not everyone goes past this imagery. Maybe one more stanza could make the message more clear. Thank you for commenting
edit: added a 4th stanza
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