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Autumn hours



It is late
in the evening;

she undresses her skin,
while winds rustle
through her hair.

In these autumn hours,
she chills
and fills murmuring minutes
     with mellifluous memories.

Her eyes -
green to orange

      (maybe yellow to red)

 

and her breath,

the patchouli

of wilted wonders;

 

      as she transforms

      to hibernate.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

POD

Metaphoric personification of a tree in autumn: Had a look out the window last night around 3AM, because sleep just didn't visit me, and that's what I saw. A single tree - against bricks and buildings - in the glory of autumn.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • Kari gold member
    March 31, 2008

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    Wow, I totally loved this The wording is really fab Thanks for your entry here


  • Blooming Poet
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The description is so detailed and so poetically worded. this was stunning, the form reallly adds to the quality of the poem. Especially here:

    In these autumn hours,
    she chills
    and fills murmuring minutes
    with mellifluous memories.


  • Exodus gold member
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was lovely, I can see why it would be a favourite. Beautiful use of unforced alliteration

    Thank you


  • workingharleylady
    February 21, 2008

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    Beyond excellent

    Bravo! Bravo! I read this twice just for the pure joy of it. I wrote one about the majestic willow tree but it doesn't come close to the beauty and imagery you've described here. Well done dear poet, well done indeed!
    Warmly, Chrissy


  • Jade-
    February 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is very good. I like how you took something that is nothing to most, and made it beautiful. Very good!

    Thanks for entering, and good luck to you.

    xxx


  • albymyheart gold member
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see you already have many words of praise for this spectacular write and deservedly so. You are very talented. The mataphor is worded with easy, simplistic flow yet intense. Plus I learnt a new word...I like it when I am forced to once again open my tattered dictionary. Thank you
    alby


  • Demington
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very good poem. However, I again am confronted with a mighty work that does not really apply to the contest.

    I was looking for poets to exhibit their powers of description in an exercise in using imagery and conrete details to invite me into their world.

    Your simplicity is wonderful, but not what I am looking for. I would suggest making a habit of writing new poems for contests. You are much more likely to find not only success, but a greatet appreciation for the writing process as well.

    Blessings,

    C


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    January 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful personification/metaphor for Autumn.
    Congratulations on winning the silver!


  • PastelMoons gold member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You turned what might be considered
    ordinary to most,
    into something beautiful and extraordinary!
    The eyes of a poets heart
    see that something special in nothing special!
    I love this!!
    ~Pastel


  • Celticmoon
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMG!
    Lee the imagery here is awesome, just awesome. So clear, bright and vivid it comes to mind. It's as if I were standing right there and that is the way it should be written. Definately going up on the finalist list. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!

    Blessings
    Bel


  • Xx Luna xX
    January 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    In these autumn hours,
    she chills
    and fills murmuring minutes
    with mellifluous memories

    This poem left me breathless. You did an amazing job! Well done! Thank you so much for entering this and good luck


  • blackday
    December 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I had to come back & tell you Lee that I really, really liked your use of patchouli in this. It hit a few senses along with memory & such. It was really nice.


  • Barefoot poet
    December 20, 2007

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    When I first opened this contest this was the first entrant that I read and it really made me feel hopeful, because it was so good. I really liked the illiteration and rhyme in it. Especially the verse

    In these autumn hours,
    she chills
    and fills murmuring minutes
    with mellifluous memories.

    A lot of my poems are written in the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep, I just end up writing about anything and everything. Some are good and some are rubbish. I think this poem definately falls into the good category for late night/early morning poems
    Well done and Merry Christmas.


  • Poesing
    December 15, 2007

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    Well done fellow poe - I could visualize the tree turning and losing it's leaves in Autumn. Not bad for having writer's block! It's a bear, isn't it?


  • daviscth silver member
    December 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful take on the prompt. I'm so glad I chose to read this. Great imagery you have put in it. all the best luck to you in this contest. cathy


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    November 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful autumn poem and images are so vivid and the whole poem a surprise by the personification. Throughly enjoyed reading your poem.


  • Blueskywonder
    November 29, 2007

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    A most beautiful... descriptive piece of poetry... a wonderful read! Thankyou so much for sharing this with me... for taking the time out to enter my contest. Thankyou... good luck!

  • carole21
    November 26, 2007

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    very nice

    good description and use of nature in this one . . like "she undresses her skin" and "and fills murmuring minutes" . . leaves the reader wondering a bit at the end . . seems like nature is one of your special areas . . !


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Another great write with more beautiful alliteration and personfication. I can't do it very well at all, but you seem to have a way of doing it. Teach me your ways! Okay, I'll stop being weird now. Another spectacular write!


  • ElectricStarrySkies
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really sensuous poem and very beautiful. I like the slow pace of it. I like the personification which you have used incredibly well. By the way I love your home page lol. It's crazy!!


  • Symphonie
    November 16, 2007

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    Totally loved this. I'm at a loss what to say or think... except to say that this is great. Really beautiful.


  • freespirit51
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really terrific piece of masterful poetry. I love the metaphoric tribute you paid to the tree. It was just beautiful in your descriptions as well. Great work.


  • DrunkenRam
    November 15, 2007
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    Guilty (Everybody's guilty)

    Thanks for entering my contest, I will be commenting after it is over.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great write here

    I loved the way you bring it all to life


  • Canto-Brasileiro
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Perfect! That is what I see when I look at the trees in this season. Loved the second verse and the whole poem has this Autumn feel.
    So very, very good!


  • Utok Bulinaw
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful personification of an autumn tree and stunning visuals this poem offers. I especially love the description of breath, I can truly smell the fragrance there. Congratulations on the trophy. Hugs, R


  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A fantastic theme, unique to focus on one objects change during a season, rather that an over all description of it, well done there! Theres really not a lot left for me to say except your score...

    Total ~~ 97.2
    Very good, keep penning!


  • trista gold member
    November 5, 2007

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    Very nice metaphor and imagery in this piece. Although I would have liked to see you carry this even further, and give me more...it has a wonderful focal point and a depth of feeling I seldom get from nature writes. The personification of the tree is a great poetic tool I don't see often enough. My main suggestion is to also cap the second word in your title, and maybe play with your line breaks instead of using the staggered lines. But as Bear said, that is often a matter of personal style.

    Thank you so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest with your beautiful, seasonal poem.

    ~J.


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 5, 2007

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    Not bad Lee ~

    I enjoyed this New & Fresh Theme ~

     

    I am still not a fan of staggering lines to make a point....or to cause emotional impact ~

     

    I think punctuation and proper Flow come from the Poet playing with his/her own tone, and manipulating the Reader into following their own thoughts with their grammatical choices and correct punctuation ~

     

    For some....it may just be their style ~

     

    I think this is a great entry for this time of year, and you showed a nice personal attatchment to Fall and your words have encased this season we are approaching ~

     

    Let's see how it scores,

     

    good luck,

     

    Bear ~

    Title   9.65

    Flow   9.2

    Depth   9.3

    Theme   9.95

    Feelings   9.8

    Grammar   9.8

    Presentation 9.6

    Uncommonness  9.85

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.45

    Ability to follow Rules  10

    Bears Score:  96.6

    Very nice score!


  • ZachP gold member
    November 5, 2007

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    This is perfect metaphor, and brilliant writing. I love everything about this poem nicely done, and good luck in the contest


  • Amanda1
    November 5, 2007
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    Beautiful my dear - you caught autumn's inspiration wonderfully with this endearing piece.


  • Anna Emkah
    November 5, 2007

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    What a GEM you have created here my friend.
    My oh my...
    It simply "B E A U T I F U L !!!!"
    Cannot say anything else.
    Hope you are satisfied
    Anna.

  • Gott ist tot
    November 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Line 3 was very powerful, mixing the ordinary with the unexpected. Good luck. This was a good personification.
    Thanks for your comment.

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