my eyes will never quit the smear;
pen quilling tears of scarlet
'pon white paper,
vapoured
Into mists that scatter through the air
~
I grasp at emptiness
my thoughts
as hollow
as her glaring eyes
like a dog'd mercy beg
I, silent, quiver at her knees
reflecting...
when she blusters to the masses
"come see
how his demure shall feed these flames"
A contest entry
- moves like red by Cat.
650 points, ended November 11, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i really like the idea you were conveying here- the voice of the poem is a bit too frou frou for me.. but that said- i can see the
poem clearly through the frou and
am happy to find you here in this contest- thanks so much
m -
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thank you, I was real angry when I wrote this. It's about teacher who took advantage of me cause she knew i was too shy to defend myself openly. looking foward to ur other contests
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this does read a bit overly "poetic" to me, i would love to see you experiment with writing more in your natural voice, you have wonderful ideas here...
one note: in the final line you seem to be using the word "demure" as a noun and not the adjective it is, deliberate?
al -
well done
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What can I say! you already know what I think about your work...and this is just another fine and beautiful example. A pleasure to read in all its glory. Excellent penning and simply stunning.
Shaz xx
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Excellent!
Love the style and again that old world feel.
Amazing your imagination can turn simplistic into thought provoking! The river of your talent runs deep and flows so well.
Excellent write.
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wow now i like this a lot
lovely job
*huggles*
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