Bell rings
...door opened
...footprints.
Weeks pass.
Bell rings
...door opened
...letter on door
...footprints.
Letter says she wants to kiss me.
Weeks pass.
Bell rings
...door opened
...girl on doorstep
...hands me letter
... runs away.
Letter says she wants to come inside.
Weeks pass.
Bell rings
...door opened
...girl on doorstep
...gives me kiss
...runs away.
Letter says she wants to come inside and kiss by the fire.
Weeks pass.
Bell rings
...door opened
...girl on doorstep
...I leave door open and sit by fire
...girl comes in and sits
...kisses me
...runs away.
Weeks Pass.
I sit and consider..
...if I should answer the bell...
...feeling like a schmuck...
...I am a schmuck!
Damn.
Author notes
The running seems to contradict the notes... I dunno...
In a list
A contest entry
- Contradictory by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended November 13, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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love she is shy and fearful she knows what she wants but is afraid on how to go about it. It is not easy coming out of one's shell you know. Don't be so cynical she could be all that you have never had...believe in possibility...PS as to one of you loses interest,w hen there is true love...that does not happen it just evolves...any way good piece felt familiar.
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Now SEE what Microsoft do to you, Allan!
Did you ever consider that she is perhaps shy? I think you are much like others I know. Sitting at the fireplace, drinking your wine, chuckling in your dreams and waiting for the sweet shy angel to kiss you!
Ever consider phoning her? Going to HER place? Taking HER to yours?
Ask Faith. She will know!
Now:
I loved the typography of this poem. It is almost like open a box within a box within a box within a ... well, you get the gift, finally.
Be well Overly of Being.
Love
Always Myra
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Now you are making me laugh. I don't chase... that's a game I will not play. Either she'll come inside one of these times or one of us will lose interest, eventually. At least that's my take on it.
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the running does contradict the notes... sorry she's so quick...
maybe she wants ya to chase her...?
I dunno,
perhaps one day we'll figure it out
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There is no doubt that is exactly what she wants. Problem is, she knows I would catch her. So, she runs and hides before I know the rules. Then when I figure it out, she changes the rules or cheats. I'm still here...
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Yes, there is a sense of contradiction there. Did this really happen? I don't know, it feels so elementary school in a way, but it seems to be going on between two adults. That creates an interesting dimension, but it almost feels more like an anecdote to me, minus the clever punchline. The schmuck line just doesn't seem strong enough. I guess maybe because we (the readers) are left wondering what happened by the fire that would make you wonder whether you should open the door?
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Well... It is just as it looks. A kiss by the fire... she runs. She never says goodbye. Just runs away. I am a schmuck for thinking she will be different next time.
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i duno
i think the running is the fear of the unknown and the fear of reagtion. i think the contraditction wouldhave came had she notcome back. ? what do you think? -
Contradiction so well written here. Jittery form makes a great point of the back and forth image. We are all schmucks. Welcome to the life. Peace. And good luck in the contest. Rhonda
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Amazing, simply Amazing Love it, i wish you the best of luck in the contest this deserves three happy mooses and A GOld Trophy
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Wait a minute. How can you say women are fickle when you write words all in a weird structure, actually no structure at all; my head has to keep bobbing back and forth to read this. You make it so hard for me. You are my AP husband and I am the Form Queen. People think I have no influence over you at all. Now you line these words up properly because the poem and image is good.
Love,
Amera♥
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Do you mean the poem and image are good? Thank you. I just make you women suffer through it. Us men, with our superior spatial relationships, have no problem with it. It's my way to get even.
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lol
we are complicated creatures aren't we.
good way to deal with frustration, use of humor!
blessings,
Michelle
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Girls are funny that way sometimes. heh
Nice.
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