Caught in a maze
that simplicity beholds;
the one, the only,
crushed in times undertow.
Colors cycle,
silently they become worn,
you can start to see
the rust
under 17 summers of spraypaint.
Epic factuality blinds all faith,
so now no one can see
that the hype is slowing,
and we're riddling the rainbows.
Switchbacks and sunsets plague the sky
in lines,
a design from the puzzlers eye.
As dazzled dead-ends strike me
purposefully,
I regret to say I resign.
Now, as troubled minds taunt unwanted shadow,
she comes.
Still choking on 89 years of sudoku
and never giving up;
"Will you have this dance?"
A paradox declines,
while a man falls into the music,
both were sucked in by seduction,
both will be stricken in
shut-downs.
Although man did realize a maze
is meant to confuse,
he refused
to warn the others.
Imagine what would have happened
if all puzzles knew that change was the
illusion.
Author notes
The prompt I took was "puzzle".
A contest entry
- Literally giving away points to the first entry by TheLostGirl.
478 points, ended November 12, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I feel just like the title says mazed I felt like that put me in a maze of confusion though I did enjoy that. time will tell who the winner is............
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a nice take on "puzzle." a little conservative, id like to have seen it really punch me in the face, but this was by no means a bad piece. great story. great focus. 77.
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confusion, thy name is woman
The last lines are fantastic, and as the story unfolds, the sinister side emerges and takes control, a veiled confession of the Siren in all. Nice job. Maybe more clarity so this isn't so much a riddle as an unveiling of truth...
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What I like about this poem, is that it sounded like a story you were telling directly to me (the reader). It was strong.
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90/100
Possible score per category: 20
Possible score per element: 4
Total possible score: 100
SPARK-- (20)
hook: 4
title is creative: 4
originality: 4
creativity: 4
ending: 4
STRUCTURE-- (15)
sentence variety/sentence effectiveness/phrasing: 3
fluency/flow: 3
spelling is correct/punctuation is effective: 3
line breaking: 3
organization of ideas: 3
COHERENCY-- (19)
title fits with the poem: 4
title is creative: 4
balance of abstraction/imagery: 3
makes enough sense: 4
general use of poetic devices/emotion: 4
FOCUS-- (18)
balance of abstraction/imagery: 3
control of the poem‘s ideas: 3
control of the poem’s pace: 4
organization of ideas: 4
[universal] theme(s) is(are) clear: 4
OTHER-- (18)
enjoyment: 3
overall impact: 3
use of (pro)nouns is effective: 4
effort is evident: 4
relation to the challenge: 4
Total: 90/100
What needs work:
sentence structure. I felt the use of normal sentences somewhat became monotonous, but still was effective mostly.
A lot of the flow was disrupted with the over-use of commas...it defeated the flow.
Look over this, and you'll know what I mean.
I felt you could have showed more overall. You showed, but told half the time. The imagery you did make was very effective.
Overall this is a great poem...still can use some refinement.
Great start to this season.
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Are scores final, or can we edit?
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My score is final, but...what I would do if I was in your situation [and I have done it before] is edit the poem before the -other- judges score it.
Others may not think this is fair, but I think it is completely fair. If the poet cares that much to go and edit, then why not let them; they deserve it.
Besides, it's not even 9 o clock yet. The deadline still hasn't even come yet.
So more power to you!
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Okay thanks =]
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