I received your letter today
So anxious to read it
To read the words
That to me you had to say.
My mind started to wonder
As to what this letter could say
Of how much you care
And how much you couldn't see yourself without me.
Could it be about how I made you feel
When we walked on the beach
And laid holding one another
With our feet buried beneath the sand.
As I walk into the house and go to my room
I open your letter that's folded in two
And as I open it up I see the words
I'll always love you.
I unfold it once more
And read to myself
Hey baby I'm sorry
Please forgive me.
By now, I'm wondering just what for
You promised to stick by me
From now until forever
And then forever more.
So as I start to read on
It speaks of another guy
On how he was there
And now I'm just wondering why.
What about the time
That we held each other near
You knew in your heart to have no fear
Which is why you said you'd always be mine.
I remember this so clear
Although it happened
More than a year
So, why am I crying a single tear?
As you go on to say
That you'll never forget me
And how it'll be hard
Living each day.
I wonder again to myself
Then why are you doing this
Why are you breaking my heart
And trying to say you lied?
You cheated on me
This much is clear
But baby with time I'll forgive
Without you I'm not sure my heart could live.
As I turn to the final page
Memories all invade me
I recall a moment we shared
Growing bitter with each taste.
You go on to say that now I'm free
Somehow you've managed
To return my heart to me
So, now maybe happiness I could someday see.
So as I get to the end of your letter
I read the words "it will get better"
Now my heart will begin to die
As you say love always and goodbye.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Break-up Poem by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended October 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - let the tears flow by MaddCuppyCake.
475 points, ended February 19, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Group Contest for Friends of Trekkergirl only by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended March 3, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && sometimes maybe i want to cry too by Simply Simple.
900 points, ended July 14, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is only for the contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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The end was astounding. I could really feel the tears threatening to spill over as I read the last line. Thanks for entering.
Dax
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That ending was truly heartbreaking; I can't imagine how it would feel to read something like that and realise ... that's it, it's truly all over ...
Thought this, though long, was quite emotional
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Well, this was very beautiful. But I don't feel like crying.
Thank you for entering though. I really did like this.
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Wow. Nice what to express a Dear John letter and the pain along with it. They suck and I hope to never get another Dear Jane letter...
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oh no a dear john letter. I hate those but you really expressed your pain very well in this. I hope that this is totally fiction and that your heart is not really going through this pain... because this is a horrible pain to have to go through. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into this contest.
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Thanks for entering.
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yeah
your great. i can see why you added me as a fav.
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WOW...This is so great. I have been working on a letter to someone recently, and after reading this I am now not sure if I will indeed send it or not. This is a stunning piece.
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perfect
wow this has to be one of your best
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this was very good. thanks for sharing this with me i enjoyed reading this altho i havent had anyone break my heart in a letter its still a good write
s
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i relate to this in many ways except that it wasn't in a letter.lol
great poem my friend as always.
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awsome poem
the ending was worth the long middle. one of the only times i was able to read through a poem with more than 5 stanza's
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A most heartbreaking read. whether this is fact or fiction, you definately put over the emotions and sad scenario to the reader, the visuals created took me right there in the same room as if watching it all happen.
If this is a personal experience, all I will say to that is.... sometimes you have to love a person enough to let them go. -
wow this poem has me speechless
i was captavated by your words
and your emotions in this poem wonderful write
great work
sad ending
life is so harsh i am sorry
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Yes saying goodbye to those you love is always a hard thing to do. I am sure that over time you will find someone to return the feelings ~blessings always~ very heartfelt poem best to you in the contest
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HEARTBREAKING
Heartbreaks are breaking ...love is loving ....sometimes the two run together ..hence your poem ...thanks for entering! good piece...
love, Raneika
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I like your style of writing in a 'conversational' way...as you would think or speak. You conveyed the feelings and emotions of the situation honestly. I read the rather large comment on your poem at the bottom of the page and suggest that if you want to try doing this with Free verse then do but if you are able to rhyme in an unforced manner then go right ahead and do that. Poetry is about expressing yourself and you have. I personally prefer not to rhyme most times, it's just the way I do things.
Keep up the good work.
Margaret
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Good luck in the contest.
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Yep I know exactly how this feels, you did capture the emotion so well of having this done as we discussed. Well done on a great portrayal of an awful feeling
Karen
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im completly understanding of this..
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Awesome
This is really good, like i keep saying your really good at doing this. Lots of emotions and feeling in this and one of your best.
Hope you win in the contest, good luck to yas.
My friend also read this and said its really good .
Could it be about how I made you feel
When we walked on the beach
And laid holding one another
With our feet buried beneath the sand.
One of my fave of the verses cuz u know me lol. anyho awesome poem
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=O wow this was awesome! i think this is a really moving, poem. you are in my book an awesome writer =)
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Amazing write in every word
I fell into a place that I have tried to forget
I was covered intirely in a momment that plays over in my mind like no other
the day I felt regret
being cheated by my own lover
thank you for letting me read this it is so demanding on the soul to continue reading
and at the end of it I feel my cheeks covered with tears I'm weeping
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wow. this is an awesome write. the last stanza is a powerful ending, my favorite lines. great write.
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Very well done. It was straightforward and honest. It sounds almost like a 'Dear John' letter.
Like I keep saying,'you have a gift. A talent.' Keep writing, my friend. You can only get better. I have never received any letters like this one though.
~Donna~
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Wow
It reminds me of the ending of my relationship with my x boyfriend and how things happened with us. I like it. You have done well, you made me wonder if you are my x writing under another name. LOL
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