I'm the paradox You crave,
the lover kept in chains.
Your wanton pet, Your slave,
the one who begs for pain.
The lover kept in chains,
gilded bars surround my being.
The one who begs for pain
in a voice gone hoarse with pleading.
Gilded bars surround my being,
heed the echoes of my scent
In a voice gone hoarse with pleading
feed my body, be content.
Heed the echoes of my scent,
Your wanton pet, Your slave.
Feed my body, be content
I'm the paradox You crave.
Author notes
This is for round 3 of Master Ktulu's erotic challenge. My challenge was to write a phantoum. I do not do well at rhyming but the rhyme scheme for this is:
a,b,a,b
b,c,b,c
c,d,c,d
d,a,d,a
This was difficult for me, but I hope it did the trick. My theme was BDSM (lucky me). Even though this was challenging, I enjoyed it in the end.
This is the link to the challenge for those interested to see:
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2338916
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Another piece of work that is beautifully written and stirs imagery wrought with submission and desire. Thank you!
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The message fits well withing these rhyming verses. Each takes nourishment from the one before it and builds to the conclusion stated in the title and first line. Excellent work my friend and good luck with the challenge.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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This is really a well written piece. This form works for you... I love it. Your rhyme does not seem too forced to me. It flowed well, and I consider it one of the best pieces this week. I am taking it that the person this is writen about, is the master?? NICE!!!! Love it.
My onbly suggestion would be the use of the word "wanton" wayyyy to over used in erotic poetry. it is too expected in a romance novel... other than this it is PERFECT!
Mel
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I loved it. Reminded me of the old days...
You were definitely up for the challenge.
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Holy Mother of Pearl Jam!
I have tried several Pantoum and they are tricky but You did a mighty fine job with this
Love the images You brought forth and considering
the challenge set before You...
The picture did not make the skin cringe but blush
I have this things with chains...but You presented this in an inviting manner
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet One
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Desire
Chains can be sexy. I am glad you enjoyed it and that it affected you so much that the ummm skin blushed. I really tried to make this sensual too as hardcore is something I can do, but it is not my preferred style of writing. After all, sexuality is all about all five of the senses. I wish you all the best as well and pssst ... I loved your piece too. You are an awesome poet. Thank you for spending time on this piece and commenting. I think there is much fun ahead in the challenge - and when I am eliminated, I will still follow it to the very end.
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Sexy...
I really enjoyed this write. Imaginative, seductive, tantalizing. It definately got my mind working.
What kind of chains?
What's the background like?
But maybe I'm just into that kind of thing.
One thing I'm wondering - what do you mean by "paradox you crave?" - What is the paradox in the scenario?
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Now here is an interesting comment - since I did not want to be explicit I would fill you in.
1. The chains - stainless steel and of course it depends what you are using them for ... I have an idea you know though, since you said you are into this.
2. The background - a dungeon in a home with several play pieces - suspension cables, racks etc - a nice medieval one though is perfect (hopefully this fires your imagination even more).
3. The paradox is the ever present duality of being submissive - of wanting to be cherished, but also wanting to be used in whatever way the Master prefers. Also, on a deeper level - the paradox of feeling free emotionally and spiritually while being bound by another's will. It is a sweet and wondrous thing. Since domination cannot exist without compassion and submission depends on trusting that that One will look after you in all ways agreed upon.
Hope that answered your questions. Thank you for a thoughtful and really remarkable comment though.
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Mmmmm.....
I loved it in the *end* as well :)
This short and to the point....well penned tanzy ~
I think there could have been a weeee bit more Impact on the reader....but not a bad Phantoum ~
( heed the echoes of my scent )....frikkin Woof!
Blew me away with that line ~
Good job and well done.....best of luck,
Bear ~
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Bear
After reading your masterpiece and having encountered your requirements previously, I must say that this comment made my day. I know 'tis good when I get a "frikkin woof". I am glad you liked it.
PS: That piece of yours rocks bro!!!! Woohooo!!!
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i really love this writing, its hard to tell that you had to struggle here, it just seemed so natural and as if it flowed from your heart. truly beautiful.
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Shimmer it seems like I got the easy one here in one sense. I am in a 24/7 M/s relationship realtime and it is easy in the sense that the feelings are there and this coming from the heart was the good part. Writing in form and trying to rhyme got me into a week long process and that was the kicker. I am glad it seemed natural and easy though. Good luck in the challenge hun - I loved your piece for this round as well.
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Great write...I loved it
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Thank you so much.
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This seemed good to me. Though, I'm not too familiar with the phantoum form. This seemed like a very erotic write though and seemed to express lots of passion and good imagery in this piece. Good luck in the challenge.
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Thank you friend. Without fail you support me and I love you for that. This is for the erotic challenge and I am being challenged. I love it though, as I am stretching myself with every round.
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Well done on this challenge. Just a few suggestions...
you have 3 occasions where your should be a capitalized Your, and you should be You, since it is speaking in reference to a Dom.
Aside from that I see nothing else that needs improvement...a most excellent job with your form, as this has becaome my fav form, (i was once challenged to write in this same form....loooooooooved it)
**Master Ktulu** -
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Thank You Master Ktulu. I changed it (and just in time too ... Master would have told me to change it too). I am so glad you loved this. It took me so long to get to this - I think I had six different ones written and eventually just bit the bullet and finished one. I enjoyed it though and the next time I am going to do a less traditional pantoum with no rhyming ... that could be fun too. Thanks for this awesome challenge - I really am learning a lot.
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