"FUCK YOU"
carve it on my tombstone
'cause i'll never forgive you
'cause you'll never admit you were wrong
and even if the thought ever crossed your mind
(assuming there's still enough mind to cross)
you'd never fucking apologize
and i'm not letting this one slide.
You've not only become what you hate,
but what everyone else hates as well,
you lazy stupid selfish bastard.
Family comes first, doesn't it,
on that list of people to use and throw away?
Until you run out of money and places to go,
that is. Then you go dumpster diving. There's
your brother, behind a broken picture frame.
Friends are just things to envy
and blame until they go bad. Good thing
they come with expiration dates.
And you don't "abuse" women,
that'd be like "abusing" a toaster
or a television set.
And offpsring? That shit's great to bring
to the bargaining table, works like a charm.
Plus, they're smaller than you,
so they're great to kick around.
Home is where no one talks back
to you- and if they start,
go find an apartment and start taking
care of yourself (until you get tired
of it); that'll teach 'em. Of course
they'll take you back. What choice
do they have? What choice does anyone have??
The world is your cheesecake!
You threw away every chance for redemption,
every shot at forgiveness (what's to forgive?)-
and still the world owes you, doesn't it?
Nothing is ever good enough for you.
Even when you have destroyed everything
you've ever touched and everyone who
ever loved you, you've still got to
take a crowbar to the last shred
of sanity they have.
You'd strangle your mother
sooner than swallow your pride.
If you can't hurt something,
then what fucking good is it?
Go ahead and let your dick
lead you over the edge of a cliff-
we both know you'd follow it anywhere.
Hopefully it'll finally put your brain
out of it's misery, fuckwit.
Go ahead and lie to yourself,
because the truth is too much for
your diseased, crippled brain.
Why won't you just pull the plug
and let it die already,
you heartless asshole!?
Just remember not to stick
your penis in the outlet.
Author notes
Why am i wasting perfectly good outrage and disgust on this worthless asshole?
anyway.
this is the mean, nasty side of Kat that hardly ever appears. i don't even think it exists all the time, it just materializes when there's sufficient fuel then burns itself out. i actually suprise myself with it. i mean, holy shite, did that come out of me?? this is probably up there with the meanest things i've ever written.
but onto the subject of criticism, shall we? i like the first couple lines, and i'm rather proud of the ending, but the middle... i'm a bit shaky on that. i'm not sure if it's any good. maybe it needs to be pruned down, maybe it needs to be extended, maybe just reworded, i have no clue, and i'd really appreciate some criticism/suggestions/opinions etc. the lines "Family comes first" through "cheesecake" were added later. do they fit?
well anyways, i don't think i need to explain what this one's about. opine, my fellow poets! (first time i've ever used the word "penis" in a poem, actually. interesting. but i really couldn't get around it- this idiot's balls have a stranglehold on his brain. It breaks my heart to have to watch the thing suffocate slowly.)
A contest entry
- Say That Again? by C J Weatherholt.
525 points, ended December 12, 2007, 62 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
thoughts on the middle??
Comments
-
Wow really I'm quite surprised. You are the first person I have really read any anger from. And no I don't know who this is about and would like to lol. I actually like the middle. I don't think that the rest would have made much sense if the middle hadn't been there. Although I would like to see it separated a bit more. The flow would seem to improve if new lines started after the periods. I love the cheesecake line as well. Personally I don't like " 'cause" to me I like it better when the whole word is spelled out. (Sorry sometimes I'm a little bit nit picky). I'm going to make a few suggestions on some lines you can cut to maybe improve the middle (just suggestions)
"you lazy stupid selfish bastard." This, although brings out the anger you really don't need it to get your point across
"or a television set." Maybe change this to something of a smaller mental picture so it's easier to relate to "toaster"
"Plus, they're smaller than you,
so they're great to kick around." Not sure how you could change this maybe take out the "plus" and add a different description.
"Nothing is ever good enough for you." This line doesn't lead into anything, maybe add another line describing how it's never good enough, or omitting it.
"you've still got to" I would change that line to "you sill have to" it makes for a better flow into the next line.
"you heartless asshole!?" This could have been omitted and the statement would still come out strongly.
Hopefully I have helped in some way and not seemed like an ass. The poem itself is awesome with or without the changes, and thank you for bringing a little anger into this contest. IT NEEDED IT!!! You will be considered in the judging. Thank you again for entering
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