As I place myself down to you,
I observe how gently you shift,
how slowly you blow,
how endlessly you smile.
I feel you whisper sweet melodies in my ear,
as I barely touch your incoherent face,
I can't find your scars since you've been wounded too many times before.
I feel you take hold of my anger and destroy every empty and dark thought left,
Even though I can't have you, I know you belong to me...
An endless lover against your charms,
against you wisdom, against your wonderful strength,
yet after all you've been through you keep on blowing,
enjoying the sun and the moon,
enlighting the beautiful roses at my feet.
My purple lie, you only live in me,
which makes you only mine,
you can hear me, you can hold me, you can kiss me,
and no one notices, that's why I love you,
that's why I miss you when you're red.
My purple nights are as marvellous as watching you smile,
watching you draw my thoughts in your skin,
watching you realize how I feel.
My imaginary sky, only mine,
you're the so called sanctum,
where I feel free and alive...
My purple sky...
Author notes
option 5. I love the sky and somehow its a place I would love to be in.
In a list
A contest entry
- Sorry, closed on Nov. 9 due to lack of entries. new contest to come soon. by katie-jo.
480 points, ended November 9, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems That Should Have Won...But Didn't by trista.
1050 points, ended February 24, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Someone's coming.... he wants my heart.... take it away and don't bring it back
Comments
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Wow, what a lovely picture you’ve painted with your words!
I think we all need an imaginary place like this to go when life starts getting a little crazy.
What I love most about this poem is the dreamy, almost sensual feel you‘ve given it, and using personification to make the sky seem almost human. I found your descriptions a wee bit vague perhaps, and some concrete imagery would go a long way in making this even better, in my opinion. I also think a few different line breaks and punctuation changes would even out the flow, especially in the second and third stanzas where some of your lines are so much longer. Also, there’s a typo in L13, “you” should be “your”.
Generally I don’t like to see words such as “mine”, “blow/blowing” and “watching” used more than once, but I think you’ve maybe done that for emphasis and it seemed to work pretty good. It’s always good to keep a thesaurus handy though, just to take a look at your options and see if there’s anything that might work better for you. In stanza 5 maybe consider breaking it into 2 sentences, as it is an awful lot to absorb in a single breath. So, just a few suggestions which you can feel free to use or ignore. As always, your happiness with what you’ve written is most important.
You’ve rounded this out with a lovely presentation. (I especially love the pic) All in all, I think you’ve done a pretty good job of describing a place I think I would love to visit myself. Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Oh nice. I thought this was amazing! I was so moved by how creative and original this is. Not only the word choice and such but ... the idea of an imaginary sky! That's awesome! Nicely done indeed. Good luck in the contest.
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This is so awesome. The sky would be an amazing place to live, I like your description of it.
Great imagery, I felt like I was really in the sky.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
~katiebird
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