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folding symmetries with breath

 
 
 
 
 
darkness is not
an absence of white,

the sum of which
divides us,

 

it is merely a blend
of colour lacking depth

 

of life without contrast
or consistency.
 
sunlight filters

through common air
both within and beyond
our breathing,

 

hides
us from every eye

including our own

 

but we hold
to the smell of numb
to grant some symmetry-

recycling wind for trees.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

  

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Best of Serendipity
    November 6, 2007

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    I loved it a lot and think that it was really truly great. the last stanza was my favorite and how u said everything its amazing i loved the line where u wrote "to grant some symmetry-
    recycling wind for trees." turly great.
    i think your talented and you should continue on
    in writing. and i look forward to reading more
    from you.


  • Jaden silver member
    November 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I think this is stunning. Good entry.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    November 5, 2007

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    gutwrenchers this weekend, at least for me

    i have this recurring nightmare, have had for years, of having the sun in my eyes, and not being able to see, and nothing i can do makes it stop being too bright, all i can do is close my eyes...

    this reminds me of that dream


  • Dalaney gold member
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There always seems to be a
    layer of poetry within each
    poem you write...this is truly
    stunning work, my friend.

    Love, Lane


  • dehydrated
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    me loves it. me loves the last stanza!!!


  • marc creamore
    November 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Deep, ethereal and omg, so wonderfully written . . . one of your best!!!! I loved it.


  • Namita silver member
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "sunlight filters

    through common air
    both within and beyond
    our breathing"

    Wowowowow Kate. and the last stanza is too good!!!! I looove you. Totally. Awesome!!!


  • ellipsist
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like the explanation of black, of darkness... that and the 4th stanza are my favorite portions of this piece!


  • NurseChilly gold member
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    geeeezzz... that last stanza has it all... recycling wind for trees.... damn, that is such a fine metaphor and image... can almost hear the sounds, the calling, the movement of loss

    deeply moving Sis... deeply

    G.x


  • transcendental baby gold member
    November 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!!! You said it all!

1 - 10 of 10