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Sleeping Beneath

Missing image

Sleeping Beneath

At evening light, a windy breeze
The sailor’s port was out of sight
The sky turned black o’re stormy seas
A windy breeze at evening light

‘Twas fifteen miles from Whitefish Bay
The pounding waves forbear their trials
While crashing on the deck they say
From Whitefish Bay, ‘twas fifteen miles

Like Cat O Nine it struck the bow
The sailors hear the sirens whine
With beads of sweat on sailors brow
It struck the bow like Cat O Nine

The sailors knew, about that time
The hungry sea would take the crew
They’d rest within her depths sublime
About that time, the sailors knew

The Edmund Fitzgerald, proudly sleeps
With dignity and pride unfurled
And loving arms the water keeps
Proudly sleeps, the Edmond Fitzgerald

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Amera

 

Swap Quatrain:
Each stanza in the poem must be a quatrain (four lines) where the first line is reversed in the fourth line. In addition, line 2 must rhyme with line 1, and line 3 must rhyme with line 4 and so on, BUT not repeat the same rhyming pattern on subsequent stanzas.
Rhyming patterns: AABB, CCDD, or ABAB, CDCD and so on.
The Swap Quatrain was created by Lorraine M. Kanter.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Desire gold member
    November 5, 2007

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    Oh My!!

    Ok that's it...I am stealing Your brain
    Love this one Beautiful!!
    Powerful story that for some reason brought tears to my eyes
    Love this!!

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
    Keep that quill dancing Sweet One
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Ithica silver member
    November 4, 2007

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    What an terrific job! You have such a mastery of your craft! The skill is apparent is your structure and your vocabulary. I hope I learn as much in the next year! It is definately something to aspire to. Awesome entry...


  • captain howdy
    November 4, 2007

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    Wow! I love the was this flowed off the tongue! A lovely write for sure! Those swap quatrains really are fun, aren't they?


  • And Hyetal
    November 4, 2007

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    This is such a beautiful poem!!! All the imagery really swept me away. I could feel the crew's emotions and feel the sea. This better win the contest!!!

    Always,
    Cassie


  • ellipsist
    November 4, 2007

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    beautifully composed... you managed to rhyme Fitzgerald!

    I am amazed, although it is you and if anyone could find a rhyme, I should suspect that it's be you!

    wonderful rhyme scheme, a touching tribute, indeed, you really give this subject a heroes treatment!

    love the comparison/image brought to mind with the mention of the "cat o nine"


  • JohnnyD gold member
    November 4, 2007

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    the crew of the Edmond Fitzgerald sleeps awash with dreams of the sky, the sea, the whitecaps and memories of salt spray and exuberance for life in their nostrils, even now.


  • Poetic-Theorem gold member
    November 4, 2007

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    Brilliant!!!

    Typically, I go into long comments. However, this is so amazing, i am at a lost for words. I have never seen this form and you took both the form and prompt and created a work of art...A Masterpiece!!!!
    Incredible work Amera.
    I admire your extraordinary talents!
    Additionally, I have learned sooooo much from you

    I doubt that you need this, but I wish you the very best in the contest. this is a trophy winner for sure. David throws confetti early for congrads on a wonderful write

    Take care,
    Much love,



    David


  • Swan song gold member
    November 3, 2007

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    I love this form im going to have to try one I liked this poemthe flow rhythm rhyme everything about it


  • PerVirtuous
    November 3, 2007

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    Excellent use of the form. This is a much better version of the story than Gordon Lightfoot's neverending drone!!! Hooray! Great work.


  • StarEyes
    November 3, 2007

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    Miss Form Queen at her best! I have read many forms from you now, and well still in total amazement of how well you do them! This is fantastic!! What a great read!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love my friend

    Nyetta


  • Sacrificial Love
    November 3, 2007

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    I can't help but...

    still be in awe of how you flow with such perfection no matter the subject....you are an incredible wordsmith sis.... xo


  • HaleyMary
    November 3, 2007

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    Beautiful tribute you have written here, Sis. Wonderful flow, good poetic form, great imagery and it told a story as well. I think I heard of that ship, but I don't really know the story about it. I'll have to look it up and read about it. Good luck in the contest.


  • seamaiden
    November 3, 2007

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    A wonderful tribute to the crew of the Edmund Fitzgerald you have done here. This is a lovely form and adds power to the subject which already speaks for itself. Your rhyming skills are of the highest quality and it flowed smoothly as the vivid images created flashed before me. Thank you for entering and best of luck in my contest. seamaiden ♥


  • grannyeri gold member
    November 3, 2007

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    Like this form of poetry you have used to enter this contest with. Liked th rhythm, rhyme and flow of the lines and the visuals they bring to mind.


  • jo-el
    November 3, 2007

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    these contests give you a prompt and you choose a form and then mold the type of stories we simply can't get enough of. another perfect example of your consistent prowess. loved the way you worked this form. excellent

1 - 15 of 15