she looks so pretty
kneeling there on the floor,
Master towering above her,
she knows what she's there for.
Leaning down,
Master caresses her cheek,
running a finger over her lips,
her mouth will be the pleasure that He seeks.
Closing His eyes,
in her hair His fingers did hide,
entering her love offering,
seeking treasures she held for Him inside.
she looks so pretty
kneeling there on the floor.
Master towering above her,
she knows what she's there for.
Tightening her mouth around Him,
embracing His manhood,
for this love perfection,
to have and search for, E/everyone should.
To know that she belongs to Him,
that she is the one that He desires,
sucking on His shaft,
the knowledge sets her body on fire.
she looks so pretty
kneeling there on the floor,
Master towering above her,
she knows what she's there for.
To serve Him,
her body she willingly gives.
To drink in Him,
moments like this is the reason she lives.
Savoring His juices,
the reward with her that He shares,
thoughts of the outside world,
T/they give no care.
she looks so pretty
kneeling there on the floor.
Master towering above her,
she knows what she's there for.
Wrapping her in His arms
after He was spent and through,
leading her to the bedroom,
this love session He will start anew.
Belonging to Him
was all that she required.
Pleasuring Him
was all that her body desired.
she looks so pretty
kneeling there on the floor.
Master towering above her,
she knows what she's there for.
Author notes
for Master Ktulu's erotic challenge
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2338916
The challenge:
Shimmer
Form.....ballad
scenario........oral sex
stipulation.........can not use the word tongue anywhere in your write.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Shimmer,
This is a well written and enticing piece to say the very least...
fourth stanza first word, "she" should be "She" with caps. I know you were most likel trying to maintain the ownership... but it is still at the beginnning of the sentence, so it should be capped.
also in the fifth stanza... last line; "E/everyone" ?? Not quite sure what it to be? error, did your finger slip
Other than that I enjoyed it!! Oral sex without using the word tongue?? My my he was setting this up
Great work.
Mel
-
-
thank you for the comment. the T/t isn't a stumble here but originally the way i was taught to type for D/s, so the T reflected the Doms and smaller t the subs but when i looked at it later you were right and should be changed as this was referring to everyone and not just D/s. as for the s in she, i really have no clue as to how that should be. and i thought no tongue would be tough lol
thanks again
-
-
Wowzers!
I have never tried a ballad before and now Inspired to do so
Love this piece You have penned and what a challenge especially not using the word: tongue
anywhere in the write
Loved it!
Thank You for sharing this *oral* Talent!!
Keep that quill dancing
Best wishes to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
-
-
lmao everyone knows with oral you just got to have tongue in there or it could be tricky with just the teeth, not to mention painful
thank you for stopping by to read and comment.
this was a challenge to beat all challenge and almost scared to see what the next round will hold.
-
-
Hey Girl ~
Nicely penned ~
I do think I would have liked to see this left-aligned more though ~
The Flow just seems better, rather than staggered center lines ....IMO ~
:)
I think you did well with your Scenerio....but to me....a Ballad is not always Sensual.....as it can get rough sometimes ~
I enjoyed the Imagery a lot.....the repeats of *driking him in*...sort of left me thinking you could have found another route to take in thought ~
I love the tone however.....you made this seems effortless ~
Good job and best of luck Hun,
Bear ~
-
-
ok made the changes, thanks so much for pointing it out to me
-
-
Looks FAB Dear ~
....ummm....what else are you gonna have your tongue in?
Bear ~
-
-
Arkbear, you are right about the drinking in, i didnt realize how often i used it and so will change it, as for as left aligned, for some reason its easier on my eyes to be centered, i don't know why that is but hey my whole system is funny here. i'm off whack
i've never really read a ballad so didn't know they could be rough, but alas i'm on the sensual team so had to try for sensual here, but now will have to go look for the rough ones lol.
again thanks so much for your comment and will go do a few quick changes, i hope that is allowed.
huggss
~shimmer~
-
-
Near flawless execution shimmer...
my only suggestion to you is even though it is a ballad I would still keep the word she in "She looks so pretty" a lowercase and make sure that anytime you refer to Him that it is capitalized as this is a Dom and sub relationship and that is how it should be written.....
other than that, excellent job!
**Master Ktulu** -
-
thank you Master Ktulu, i will change it later tonight when i have more time. before when i used to write like that in my stories and some of my poetry, people would make comments that it was too chat roomy, not acceptable for reg. writing, that it looked like i was stumbling over my words, so even though it is natural now for me to write the way you suggested, usually i try not to, but am more happy with the way i am used to.
goes to find something to write where i can use tongue -
-
I think people need to understand that when you are writing about a Dom/sub relationship that the Dom is always capitalized and the sub is always in lowercase....
I will re-read this prior to closing of the round before giving my final score.
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
