What a point, will I have
if I cannot show and have pride?
What I only love to do
was to make my self true.
Even I know it was hard to do.
Fit myself in a cryptic dark chamber.
Searching for a course of an alley
Keep my self lack of thirst
for I couldn't find my self free.
If there's no one to help
or even light to shine
Will I accept my death?
For an everlasting time.
Author notes
an entry for a contest. Hope you like it...
A contest entry
- I turn and turn ... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended November 17, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette by PaintedParisPassion.
600 points, ended December 24, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm in the mood for anything, SO GO FOR IT! by Chocoholic156.
750 points, ended April 17, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
This just made me scrunch up my eyebrows and frown, again because of the background, really choose something i can read, i had to copy and paste it onto word, it was horrible. Also, it just did not have any flow that i can see, it just was not what i would look for in a poem. sorry.
-
If there's no one to help
Or even light to shine
Will I accept my death.
For an everlasting time.
Well quite a deep taks is performed by you here...a truth you are touching here..so philosophical and so mystical as well..but yes this is life my friend..a thought provoking piece and making us to ponder about the depth of the issue raised here..well done ..Thank you for the entgry in my contest...
-
"What a point, will I have
If I cannot show and have pride..." Wow...these were very powerful lines to begin a poem and the rest went smoothly because of that...I think you should improve the contrast of your poem and its background because it was very hard to read your poem...but other than that I commend you for this wonderful write!!!
-
I did like it but I found it hard to read with the background, maybe if you made the printing purple, but the thoughts were good, really nice.
-
i have been there
nice read
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
