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Of Days...

Blue is the colour of my true love's eyes
They shine with their winter clouds and skies
Scarlet is the colour of the clothes she wears
A reflection of past autumn woes and cares
And I am the sorrow that she shares
For this love is a spell cast in the air

Seasons cloaked in visages of sallow pinks and grays
Speak of ancient ties now torn asunder and tossed away
Of stone castles broken and shattered by the coming dawn
A new age becoming stronger than the armour we once wore
I am the sorrow we once feared and scorned
For this love we once shared is now lost and forlorn

Oh-oh in the long and lonely night
Nothing but to savour the bitter aloes of this plight

Oh-oh in the shadows cast by these days
Time is past for more reflection as we just fade away

Roses are the weave she wears in her thorny crown
Beneath the weeping willows that bow down before her throne
In ancient groves she wanders among the whispering leaves
She waits with arms wide open her lips kissed by a zephyr breeze
I am the sorrow that brought her to her knees
For the spell is broken by the past for which we grieve

Blue is the colour of my true love's eyes
They shine with their winter clouds and skies
Scarlet is the colour of the clothes she wears
A reflection of past autumn woes and cares
And I am the sorrow that she shares
For this love is a spell cast in the air

Oh-oh in the shadows cast by these days
Time is past for more reflection as we just fade away...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    this poem really works - good flow, emotions revealed, nicely rhymes, and nice imagery. good writing.


  • Walking Oxymoron
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the way you started off with colour, the way that you talked about different colours all in the first stanza.

    I liked that you matched colours with clothes...And in this write, I Love your rhyme scheme.

    Your imagery becomes really strong in your second stanza... and the repetition reinforces the idea you're trying to convey. I'm liking it, a lot.

    The third stanza makes it look more like a song...but now I wanna hear the melody!

    I am the sorrow that brought her to her knees
    For the spell is broken by the past for which we grieve

    Oh, I am loving those lines! So melancholy, yet so true!

    I wished there was a little more of you in there...but you are defiitely a finalist. This was an awesome write... I loved it.


  • Ami
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing imagination in this great write!

    Thank you so much for entering my contest,
    And Good Luck!
    -♥Amy♥

  • The Rainbows Mind
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem. It is very descriptive, it still holds love while at the same time it speaks of a tragic demise. This is a marvelous blend because I didn't know how well a sorrowful poem would work in a contest like this. After rading this entry however, I must say that you have made it work very well in this clever blend of internal love and confusion.
    A word picture drawn well. Great poem, good luck in the contest and most importantly, thanks for entering.
    BC.


  • Cherry Hades
    April 4
    Edit | Reply
    You have a true gem here.

    _Cheers


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    May 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this. thank you for this lovely entry!

    All the best
    Becks


  • scream.n2.nite
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry!! The piece brought some colors into the feeling... I liked the style and the rhyme scheme, and I love the lines:
    "And I am the sorrow that she shares
    For this love is a spell cast in the air"

    There was one error, which should be easy to correct:
    "I am the sorrow that bought her to her knees
    For the spell is broken with the past for which we grieve " I do believe that "bought" should be "brought".

    Very good write and thank you!!

    - - riah - -


  • pen-inhand
    January 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very well written poem. Beautiful visuals, lovely flow to it. Thank you for entering my contest and the best of luck to you! Kelly


  • Blue Rew silver member
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very visual and the language creates a soothing rhythm. I especially liked the use of colours
    and textures here. I do spot a need for a small
    edit here:
    "I am the sorrow that bought her to her knees
    For the spell is broken with the past for which we grieve "
    Should read:
    "I am the sorrow that brought her to her knees
    For the spell is broken by the past for which we grieve"
    A matter of a missing letter and word change.
    Wonderful write, keep it flowing. Blue


  • passim silver member
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have put a lot of work into this poem. I like it and wish you well with it. Good luck


  • islekine gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very well penned!

    Thanks for your entry!
    Write on...
    *PEACE*


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for another entry in our contest, all the best in future contests...Sue and Jeff


  • ellipsist
    January 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you should have read all rules prior to entering the contest that I am hosting...


  • Griswold silver member
    November 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written for this contest, an excellently done and flowing poem. Well done here to grab the shineys. good job...Scott


  • Dorcha Runda
    November 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice, i like it. thanks for your entry and good luck.


  • DrunkenRam
    November 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an exceptional piece, I liked the pauses, they broke it up unexpectedly yet pleasantly, it was a finalist in my list and was very high, I think with a little tweeking this could be a classic.


  • Perfiction
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on previous trophies.
    Very beautiful piece.
    Nicely penned


  • leslielovesthomas
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing write!! The imagery in this poem is so descriptive and beautiful! You did a great job with the rhyme. Beautifully written, thank you so much for sharing and good luck to you in the contest!

    Leslie

  • DrunkenRam
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Guilty ( Everybody"s Guilty)

    Thanks for entering my contest< I will be commenting when it is over. Good Luck!


  • Death of the Author
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great use of zephyr.
    You have woven some enchanting lines throughout this piece and I enjoyed it immensely. It's such a...lovely but heartbreaking poem. I like it a lot but I can't quite put my finger on why...

    Very nicely rhymed too (kudos on being the first "rhymer" in my contester) and the flow was inpeccable.

    Good luck and take care

    Thanks for entering x

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