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I suffer

I suffer from the ache of my dirty soul,
I am weak.
My sickening mind is completely full,
of the pain it seeks.

I scream to my self,
I cannot ease my ache.
My weakness is pain it's self.
That little man always makes through the wake.

He tells me scream, smile, and cry.
I try to ignore his existence.
But he makes me want to die,
no matter how far the distance.

I need some help, inside my head.
Why do I pretend to be strong.
I suffer all the time, all the time I said,
Sometimes he makes me suffer so hard and long.

With this dirtiness I have learned to deal.
I suffer just inside now.
I wouldn't be paid to let them feel the way i feel.
When he starts to talk I just swallow them down.

I don't let my weakness show,
and I try not to be happy
because, in all honesty I know,
the I will end feeling crappy.

No matter what I do,
I cannot show them.
No matter if I know their true,
I cannot show them to him.

In my weakening, dirty, suffering I must deal
because I will suffer forever.

Author notes

I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety attacks alot but through the years I've tried to hide them and it just doesn't happen and this poem is just about realizing this is how I will always be!
#6

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • AngelOfBetrayal
    August 30, 2008

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    This is like mine, i feel the pain, but i don't understand what's really going on, rape? lies? pain? it's all very muddled and beautiful at the same time. I love poetry like this that can have a thousand possibilities and mean something different to every person that reads it, but a lot of people don't they like to hear exactly what is going on, though by reading through your other poetry one could prolly figure it out.


  • alexandra.
    March 16, 2008

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    Wow. In 37 lines you have combined a huge proportion of my emotions and made them sound clear and pretty. Although I do not suffer from depression or any other mental illness - lie my ulgy face off to the counsellors and everything will be alright - you've got how I feel down to a t!


  • DestiniesTwined
    February 20, 2008
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    This is a good poem. Thanks for entering my contest.
    Good luck.


  • My Last Breath.x
    November 30, 2007
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    This poem has patential..But I didn't think it flowed very well..

    Good luck in the poem!


  • Artistic-Soul
    November 28, 2007

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    thats a very stong piece and the pain that you have displayed is almost overpowering it seeps through every line and just leaves me breathless wonderful work thank you for your entry

  • piccola silver member
    November 9, 2007

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    to be in such misery and to feel guilt and shame ... that's bad enough but to hide all the time too keeping it all in. Writing helps .... thanks for sharing and for the entry.


  • Clinging-to-Life
    November 7, 2007

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    Hmm...Interesting write and I can somewhat relate to this peice. Thank you for entering. I agree with the general message, of how its so much of a constant stuggle but you would never want to put it on anyone else or show the true weakness that lies inside of you. thanks for entry.


  • Prison of Lyme
    November 5, 2007

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    I like that poem

    It is hard to fight when you feel alone. Sometimes we feel alone in a room full of people. We are still people and we do have a purpose just like anyone else.


  • passionate-poet
    November 4, 2007

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    wow this is a really sad poem i can totally feel your angst, great write thanks for sharing!


  • Desired-Lucidity
    November 2, 2007

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    This was great. there's a song you might like its called surrender by candlebox. i often try to act stronger than i am. its not weak to have a disease.

1 - 10 of 10