When nights seem to go on forever
And while you sleep you toss and turn
This is a feeling knowing that
All you need is someone to hold.
When all you want
Is nothing less then tenderness
A fire flickering within
Wondering when love & passion will begin.
You find yourself drifting away
From the crowds of people
That seem to have nothing to say
When it comes to what you're dreaming of.
Someone to hold
Someone to get you through
All the sorrows and pain
And to bring you in from the rain.
All it would take
Is just a touch
A feeling of warmth
Knowing you're not alone.
So draw the shades down low
Lie down in a field of clover
Hoping that soon
Your wait will be over.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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hey everyone! I'm sorry, buti have to close this contest! I feel really bad! BUT I JUST RAN OUT OF TIME! If you are in this contest message me and i'll give you 5 points for entering! I'M SOO SORRY! Please understand!
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I love this, it reminds me of myself- perfectly thanks for entering!
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mmmm i loved this poem... i just completely agree with it. when you have someone to hold it's like everything is going to be ok. that maybe the world isn't so bad....at least when you're holding that someone that completes you. very well done my friend
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awww i love this it make me want to be with my love and be held
youd did great on getting an image into the readers mind
good job
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i love this it makes me wanna be held rite now
definately one of your best peices
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makes me wish i could be held at this moment.
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lovely
i cant really bring myself to critic this. it hit pretty close to home, deffinetly a lovely write.
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loely
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one of your best
i feel just like that right now, just wanting to be held. you always have the best stuff, my only wish is that i could read all your poems, and im working on that.
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I love the message and the intriguing flow of this write touching the universal truth of our life..This is an amazing write revealing the image of this LOVE just in few simple words..and this is the strength of write..I love this piece..thank you so much for sharing this great write..well done....
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Gorgeous. It seems very hopeful to me. Love it.
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This is very beautifully written
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This is really good stuff.I was I had your thought process when thinking of something new and happy to write about.I feel that I am the person who these words are being spoken to and my fiance is the one doing the speaking.You show such love in this piece.You show how much you would like to take away her pain.Loved it.Will read more of your work tomarrow.
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This is a great piece....
Hope you find that someone to hold.
God Bless and thank you for commenting on my poem
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this is pretty good but the rhyme scheme is off.
you're pretty talented though. =]
beautimous my dear.
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Loved this!
Really feel the depth of your pain. I can so relate to your thoughts. Loneliness, being alone and the need for someone to hold you, be with you, to love you hurts so much. The world passes you by and never notices your need.
Your first line emphasises that time goes by so slowly when you are waiting. I think perhaps your last verse may be saying that you can dream of how it will be when the waiting ends. The imagery of a "field of clover" suggests comfort and peace albeit still only illusion.
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i think this whole...waiting for the wait to be over is a HUGE catalyst in this world.
it seems everyones everything revolves around finding the right one, keeping the right one, marrying the right one.
love is the perfect ingredient to this imperfect world.
i really like the rhyme scheme you have used, it's semi-consistant and semi-scattered, but it still allows the poem to have a wonderful flow
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i know how this is.
actually, i notice that my boyfriend has already commented on this. so i basically must say the same thing. that i know how it feels to not have what you long for the most.
Abby
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That great, it reminds of not being able to have the person i like now...very sad.
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man i can't say how much i relate to this poem. great write!
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=]] great write!
i dont know what to say besides:
this poem is so beautiful and sincere.
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:)
good work. thanks for sharing. by the way i like your rhymes -
I see already
Starting from the back to these two newest i see your poetry building. You've perfected your poetic groove. This was an excellently worded poem with plenty of imagery leaving the mind full. Very, very good. Keep it up. Poetry really does help sort through the clutter our minds collect. Good job keep it up.
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Oh this is soooooooo beautiful
through and through it is wonderful but
my favorite part is
"When all you want
Is nothing less then tenderness
A fire flickering within
Wondering when love & passion will begin"......Brilliant.
Delila
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wow this is really pretty...its a simpl love story that really bring emotion out...i love the entire poem equally its done really well
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i think it was really good!!!!!!!! like really really good
ASH!
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Wow :]
This is awesome!
<3 It!
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This was a true and heartfelt piece. The imagery was fantastic. It has good flow too
i love the lines:
"When nights seem to go on forever
And while you sleep you toss and turn
This is a feeling knowing that
All you need is someone to hold"
I think everyone needs someone to hold them and to love them.
You are a talented poet
keep up the good work!
xx
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Almost There
Good Morning - You asked me come here and check out you poetry - I like the content - the story part flows along beautifully - a good start and a good ending - I am a rhymer - the first verse could use some tweaking - 2nd verse needs an overhaul as well - 3rd verse too - as well as the rest - - best way is to read it over and over yourself - kick out places that don't feel right to you -make sure the poem rhymes and dances - you have an excellent poem here - just needs some working over - Bless God - Joe
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Your imagery is wonderful.Keep up the good work.
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Sad and alone, Heartfelt and true.
Beautifully written with great imagery, I loved the lines;
When nights seem to go on forever
And while you sleep you toss and turn
This is a feeling knowing that
All you need is someone to hold.
It made me feel like there was something missing in side of me.
Well done, keep writing and having good ideas.
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This speaks straight from the heart and has so much tenderness and sadness and it's so fragile. It really achieves a great connection to the reader and you manage to inject your feelings into the reader, since this is one of the undying desires of human nature, to have someone beside them. I bet everyone felt that way, including me.
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beautiful!
the night can be too long and you can feel alone in a crowd when you are needing that special someone to hold. I know your feelings here. You have penned your heart in this poem. I loved it. Keep on writing until your wait is over.
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when night seems to go on for ever.. very haunting
this very beautifully done.. i could feel the lonliness and also missing ur love.
about ur writng style.. i see your really good at expressing your feeling but its very raw.. just to sya ur first para has no rhyming but ur second para has.. but the rhyming is not matching with ur third para.. so its not sychronised.. if u keep it in one style like free verse,or keep a particular form .. this would have flowed so well.. i understand how difficult it is and i am also still learning to do that but no1 was there to tell me at the begining so i started noticing it later..
i really liked ur write.. hope to see more
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This is a very beautiful piece ,it gives the reader a feeling of warmth and of hope....you have done a great job expressing yourself keep uo the wonderul work! I really enjoyed reading this!
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This would have to be my favorite of yours that I read.
The only issue I have is that I notice in a lot of your poems you tend to be very wordy, or not wordy at all. It's kind of odd... things just sometimes roll off the tongue odd.
You should also pay attention more to structure. Each poem should have a transition from beginning, middle, and end, and any in between parts. Each should have a structure that gives that part of the poem the feeling of being the beginning or the middle or the closure.
But you have a very nice base for growing your poetic journey.
Good luck!
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this hurts really..yer well a real love would be a miracle in my world great poem you really are very gifted indeed just brilliant.soz i have no point s left but i give you a 10/10
take-care from tracey -
This is how I feel at the moment, in the lonely times where you wish there was just a whisper or a touch... so well written here... well done
Karen -
When you asked me to comment on some of your poetry i didnt really want to but now that I have been here and have read this one I must thank you for asking me to come. It is very well written and very heartfelt. I feel the same all of time basically because me and my girl friend dont get to talk very much. But back on topic, very nice write and thank you for inviting me here. I will most likely be back to read more of your wonderful work, but for tonight It is bed time Take care and lookout for my comments on your other poems most likely very soon =] Thanks once again.
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wow how passionate!
There is nothing better than when a guy can delve into his own personal emotions and unravel them in words like that. This not only portrays the girl very wanting and innocent..but you look very giving/loving and all for her. Love this..
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I love this one the most! the last stanza reached everything my expectations reach for my liking of poetry. It's thoughful, creative...when I got to the first sentence of the stanza I thought it was going to turn into an erotic fantasy, but it didn't and that kept it down, of a new style that you wrote. meant for it to be?
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A great write! It shows how love or friendship can have a true meaning in someones life, and that everyone needs to know what it is like to be cared for. I like this write, very much.
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Impressed
Wow this really was moving...I'm feeling ths way right now witha guy I really care for.
I think you expressed this feeling of justed wanting to be wanted and loved..admired.
Man you took the words right out of my mouth...this is just perfect!
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This piece is very tender and touching..... The love emotions are felt throughout, in sincere manner.....
I guess we all have this urge to be held or to hold, at least once in a lifetime.....
Keep on penning, I'll continue reading.....
Thank you very much for sharing with me on this site, and be blessed with love and light always.....
AngelicMistress...Tanya
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this is really good. made me think of my baby... I miss him so much... oh well, I get to see him Sunday... so... I'm happie about that! (yes, I know I spelled happy wrong... I just like spelling like that. lol) well, newhoo... keep up your amazing work! I love this!
Crimson
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