The cold looms,
outside the window,
like a dog
waiting to be let in.
The window fogs,
and the house creaks
from the wind.
The heater kicks in,
from somewhere
far downstairs.
The computer buzzes,
as though it can
feel the dropping
temperature.
I shiver, and
a chill runs up
my spine, from my
toes to my hair.
So I yank on a
sweatshirt and
pull on some
socks, and then
I snuggle under
my covers to
sleep, in warmth.
A contest entry
- Ages 13 and Under ONLY ~ At this moment.... by Amunet Wolfbane.
300 points, ended November 11, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of this poem? What can I do better?
Comments
-
I know this feeling and even the creaky stairs :)) They always seem to when the house gets older huh? :)) Very well done, great personality to this piece. I'm impressed.
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This is just pretty darned good. I can feel the cold and the luxury of slipping in bed. Especially like the part about the dog wanting to be let in. The only part that was awkward to me was "So I yank on a..." Maybe something like ~stiff fingers fumble for a ~ just IMO
I think you have a wonderful talent here, I like poems that are strong make me feel. Best wishes in the competition!
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