When he would play
nothing in particular
just the Blues
in his way
he speckled it with jazz chords
and a pinch of existentialism
and I admired his fingers
and his eyes that looked nowhere
least of all at me.
He was just him.
The guitar became part of him
and he was just him.
He floated on the wandering melodies
and got lost with them.
He left me behind
and I watched him go
loving him
all the way.
He would play the Blues
but nothing in particular
and I loved him
when he was just him.
November 2, 2007
A contest entry
- ah, music! a magic greater than all we do here... by nanashiamai.
600 points, ended November 3, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Grand!
I love this and my fiance` is a musician and his favorite pastime is plucking out a blues tune and staring out into space as he sings. I so feel this poem deep down. I love it darling. Fantastic!!!!
~mandie~
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this read is very good,
but i felt as though there
could have been more to this than
there was. it was a bittersweet
memory perhaps, a glance as potential
parting lovers, as musicians are often
portrayed as lovers afar.
very good passages and words,
the flow could have been tightened,
as the structure. Perhaps a spacing between
each new line could have added another
level of intimacy?
a short, small edit may yield
pleasurable results. -
great read. A couple of passages i liked:
'and his eyes that looked nowhere
least of all at me.'
and
'He left me behind
and I watched him go
loving him
all the way.'
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I enjoyed reading this piece. The only thing that kind of threw me off was the "he was just him" almost back to back in lines 10 and 12. I think it would be more effective if the phrase was used in just the 10th and last line of the poem. but that's just me...lol
All in all this was very romantic and creative.
Thanks for sharing
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Wow this is really a good poem... not much to critique on.. good job and keep up the gd work!
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wow to love someone as themselves takes alot so you should let him know i can almost see him playing the blues and i can almost feel the pain in the music
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Amazing
As the ex-wife of a guitar player, I related to this poem in a beautifully painful way. Many nights, on stage & at home, when he was musing I may as well have been a simple piece of furniture. But I loved him every minute, especially when he created. This poem is perfectly done.
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This is beautiful! Speaks to me of love and acceptance.
I like - 'and I admired his fingers
and his eyes that looked nowhere
least of all at me.'
and also - 'He left me behind
and I watched him go
loving him
all the way.'
-
WOW
Wow, i loved that poem. One of the best I've read. It's not to long, and not to short but I simply love the way it was said and observed. "but nothing in particular" and "floated on the wandering melodies" were just a couple of the phrases i loved. I also loved how you realized he became a part of the guitar or vice versa but i feel that way every time i play and i don't know how to express it but i love this poem.
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Beautiful, and it really shows why you loved him, even though he most likely didn't love you, because he didn't notice you. Musicians get lost so often, and our instruments really do become part of us.
Keep on writing
-Danneh<3 -
Hi. This is great! I love the energy, and the way you describe the subject. You really convey his personality. Your imagery is great too, I especially liked "floated on the wandering melodies", not sure why though. Fantastic work
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Magical
Hello there Andi!
I enjoyed reading this magical piece of free-verse poetry. It is engaging and I like the tight focus that you as a poet brought to it.
These are my favourite bits because of the closely-observed details in them:
he speckled it with jazz chords
and a pinch of existentialism
and I admired his fingers
and:
He floated on the wandering melodies
and got lost with them.
have an awesome day,
BJ.
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This is beautiful. I absolutely love it. I can relate to the feelings of the speaker, and you get those across so well. And the short lines work perfectly for the subject matter.
The repetition reminds one of music, of blues-- you did such a good job of using poetic elements to mirror your subject matter; it's just all tied together so beautifully.
great piece
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Normally repitition isn't my thing; but you made it work here. I like this piece. It made me think of lonely times in my own past. Love anything with guitars...
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great poem. sounds the way all music should...
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Describes how music, especially the blues, transports us all, even changes us. I would like to see a series of these, moving through the passage of time.
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this is lovely. i'd be curious to know who it is about. the refrain is nice too because it connects the whole piece together.
nice work and best of luck to you in all your poetic endeavors.
~pasha -
i love a good blues player, especially on guitar or bass - the way of blending and harmony of music and soul, for me, dwells in those instruments - when taking a lead, they shine best i think - i hear other instruments and they are all wonderful, horns, percussion – but t give me a solid guitar performance and I’m in heaven. Lovely poem, a delight to read.
Blessings and best wishes,
~r.
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Great write. "He speckled it with jazz chords/and a pinch of existentialism" is probably my favorite bit but it's tough. I think anyone who's ever known a good guitarist can picture this and personally I can very much relate.
Good luck in the contest!
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