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succulent

 

 

 

 

  

hungry colour

crowns

soft-headed wheat,

a finger's stain

of midas light

drawn from morning's

well of sky.

 

stalks dab against

the wind-

pollen drifts 

to distant shore

and catches in a child's

eye,

a jaundiced tint

rounder

than her pear-shaped

belly,

 

full of promise

and empty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • ellipsist
    November 4, 2007

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    intense... made me want to cry.... I feel a sense of loss while reading this... the wording is beautiful, in a painful way - the imagery, to me, speaks of longing and lack...


  • grannyeri gold member
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    reading these different interpretations of the prompt is like a trip through a book shop - such a great variety of options. Liked the flow, the visions these words conjure up - children especially suffer from lack of nutrition and their bellies blow up -


  • Malabu
    November 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent!


  • Cat gold member
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i do this thing where i won't read the comments of others until i've read and interpreted someone's write- and have formed a pretty solid opinion of it-
    then often i will scan the lot
    below to see if i am on the right track in my ideas

    either i am so far off or?

    but either way- i find this to be of want and hunger
    and aching round bellies full of need

    i dont find it pretty but my interpretation would make it so it isn't meant to be pretty..
    i find it precise and well written and
    destabilizing though.. nicely done


    m


  • Akimbo
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    that's beautiful

    You had me at 'hungry colour'; that alone conjured images of want while implying a desire to be captured in a better shade or perhaps free of shade entirely.
    The soft-headed wheat christened by morning light as if turned to gold upon touch... well that is a gift captured twice over.
    I adore the ending.
    Have a great weekend,
    Best to you, Kj

  • silverfish
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    using the color yellow to frame plenitude and want in this simple, understandable poem is profound.

    really. i'm vibrating.


  • rebeka
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ah, this takes me far away, beautiful imagery. you do yellow well woman...came back to re read, the empty belly...clicked...sad. very sad..glad i came back for another read kate.


  • tiny hiccup
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It different, but different is good. I think you meant color not "colour" though. I really liked your use of words, but it could be a little more clean. It was a little everywhere for me. A little slopply, i guess. But then agian thats just me. And i could be misreading it. But other than that i thought is was great. Good luck


    • EvilKate
      November 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Actually - colour was spelled absolutely correctly. Heh - Americans spell it wrong/differently ... but, I am not American, so I use the English language


  • Dalaney gold member
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i've missed reading you...
    you truly 'got' me with
    the last two lines...of
    course, you always 'get'
    me, don't you? Love, Lane

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is great, suzanne is right a bit different but always wonderfully penned.

  • Suzanne Dia
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    i like where this one took you
    really a little different than some of your recent meanderings (which are brilliant as well, no slicing me with that double edged blade )

    an interesting story in these lines

1 - 13 of 13