I grew up in a loving family
we took care of one another
I never dreamed of someone hurting me
I didn't know people did that
we were spanked when we did wrong
lovingly never abused
we all worked hard together
laboring side by side
that is how it is when you grow up on a farm
The boys at school would tease me
but at least they had manners
they understood that No meant No
never did they take advantage
The year I graduated
spent the summer with my sister
that is when I met you
handsome in your cowboy hat
that night you took me for a coke
we talked and laughed
you made me feel at home
little did I know
there was evil behind those eyes
When my parents got moved and settled in
I started college
I found a job in your little town
after work sometimes
I would find you waiting out back
we'd sit and talk even laugh
little did I know
At first you were a gentleman
We only talked, well maybe we held hands
I never expected what you did one day
you were a preachers son
you took me in your arms and kissed me
unlike any kiss you had given me before
next thing I knew you pushed me down
sat on my legs and partly undress me.
I begged you to stop but you would not
you didn't care how I felt
I could not get away
you had your way and then you left
Not a word was said
I felt used
like a piece of trash
someone threw away
I was trembling, and felt sick
I wanted to throw up
I lay there I couldn't move
I felt so cold though it was warm
tears flowed from my eyes
I managed to dress
I had to go it was time to go get my dad
I cried all the way and I prayed
then I wiped my eyes put on a smile
gave my dad a hug
I never told him what happened
I shouldn't have been alone with you
You were 18, I was only 17
I could have burned you
really I should have
but I chose to bury it inside
I thought I was so strong
I didn't think it would hurt me
but it really did tear me up inside
You took from me my dreams
to be pure when I became a bride
now will you please
answer me this
what gave you the right
to take my innocence
to scar me for life
Author notes
yes this happened to me when I was 17.
I always believed that the first time should be with the one you loved and married. That was taken from me this night and hurt me more than the physical part of what went on. He was not someone I loved and we were not married so my dream was crushed.
Girls to be safe don't be alone with a guy even if you know him. If by chance you have found that one in a million who knows that no means no, you have found a very rare gem. I know I found him once and then again many years later. But is the chance that he isn't that gem is it worth the chance.
If it does happen to you, seek help don't hide it. I did twice and it almost destroyed me inside. It is not something you can get over totally on your own. I blamed myself and though I tried to never be alone when I did find myself in trouble I was not able to say no scared of being raped again. I began to hate myself for being this way. I am doing good today but it does still haunt me at times.
the picture is me at 16 a little over a year before this happened.
A contest entry
- Innocence by Glitter Goddess.
1200 points, ended November 3, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - rape by second best.
300 points, ended August 16, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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wow, this actually made me cry. thank you so much for sharing your story, and i hope things get better for you. no one should have to go through this. i also hope you know that not all guys are like this and there are good people in the world who will respect and care about you.
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I know that there are still good guys out there. The first boy I loved was one of them, unfortunately my family move back and we were separated, though happily we have found each other again. and He is still the best gentleman I know.
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This is such a sad piece but I can relate im so very sorry I hope that your heart starts to heal.Thank you for sharing much love and hugs
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I’m sorry your innocence was taken away at a very young age. I’m also sorry that your first sexual experience was not a consensual one. It’s certainly people like that that do not deserve easy trust. No one has the right to infringe you like that. This was quite a sad and personal piece. This told more than it showed, and the figurative was overcome by the simple and literal, however, the emotional degrees of this piece was quite high. Thank you for your entry. Best of luck in my contest.
- Andi
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