Casual
no, practiced airs
feigned indifference,
hands touched each so gingerly
waving household scepter
feathers raised with motes
in air and sunbeams had new proof
of existence;
particles stirred, laced curtains aglow;
fine french porcelain glistened.
As if she wanted everyone
and no one to notice,
such care had been given
to centerpiece of mantle,
in center of the room.
Pride shown,
porcelain gleamed life in afternoon sun.
She sits now, most of the time
staring into air, carrying on
in thoughts
with husband of fifty years, six children;
one sweet child laid to rest
with the better of her spirit.
And the french plate, finger stroked dust lines,
sooty shadow print around its base.
Just a bit of time,
stars have crawled imperceptibly,
moon and sun, tides and waters
have cycled to sameness, as has she;
fine french plate, her joy;
gone before its time, simply buried beneath age.
In a list
A contest entry
- the life and impending death of a glass figurine by Cat.
800 points, ended November 10, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i love the story of this piece..
i think it is too thick with descriptives like aglow and glistened.. etc.. and i think they detract from what could be an incredibly strong write.- i got that lump in my throat with the "sweet child laid to rest"-
you have such a wonderful imagination- i always enjoy reading to see what you have come up with next
m -
this is really nice, but i think you may have some tense issues PK...
-
-
Thanks AJ
you have a good point, thank you for the edit...PK -
-
better now, wonderful entry here...
al
-
-
-
"as if she wanted everyone and no one to notice" I really like what you have done with this. It has a wistful sort of feeling.
-
Wow, this really comes alive with imagery and melancholy portrayed, loved "feathers raised with motes
in air and sunbeams had new proof
of existence;
particles stirred, laced curtains aglow;
fine french porcelain glistened"
Lovely write, best of luck in the contest!
-
great metaphor that provides such a clear image...dust gathering upon a once well cared for treasure, telling how life continues to cycle, even when grief stops the heart.
very touching
blessings,
Michelle
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
