As a lover under a moonlit sky,
perfect imperfection kisses my soul,
brings passion's promise to my waiting veins
and sings it's lies to my broken heart's pain.
Shakily waiting my destiny's kiss,
my legs struggle to stand firm while waiting,
my left arm itches with excitement's stare
and my breath begins to race rapidly.
Promises I've made to children sing loud,
reminding me of their broken heart's pain,
telling me I am again a failure,
causing me to hang my head in disgust.
Ecstasy is sung to the tune of lust
as units of adrenaline enter,
warming the cold within my hardened heart
and promising relief's imprisonment.
As blood rushes to a wounded heart's doubt,
reality says I will always fail,
never able to stay away from this,
my abusive lover's addiction.
Welcoming oblivion's wanted touch,
I stand, no longer attached to this world.
As my soul left, my mind has gone astray,
leaving me in the quietness of disgrace.
Author notes
this is so similar to how it was when i was using.
before i realized this contest is about 4:20, i wrote a poem on meth addiction. i hope that is ok.
A contest entry
- 4:19... got a minute? by risewiththesmoke.
300 points, ended December 1, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
its okay.. but not one of your best
sorry if you minded.. but i don't know.. I felt like something is missing here..
but other than that great write
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
-
i don't know anyone with addiction to meth, but addiction to crack is crucial too.
-
Ahhhhh.
There are a lot of people in my life who are addicted to meth.
My mother included.
"Promises I've made to children sing loud,
reminding me of their broken heart's pain,
telling me I am again a failure,"
Those lines especially touched me.
Very beautifully written.
-
wow wow you are a truly talented writer this is wonderful and so scarred with the sad truth of suffering and pain an excellent write poet
-
I have never done anything harder than a little pot, and I do mean a little, but that was mainly due to the fact that most people I knew growing up, friends and family, used introveineously. I was a third party to their addiction, and to have this chance to glimpse from the inside is truly a blessing. On the other hand, depression, like drugs of any sort, is an addiction as well and the feelings of worthlessness and failure went as deep as the cuts I inflicted on my own body... so, indirectly, I can see where you might be coming from. Excellent piece. Thank you for sharing this with me. Uch
-
this is powerful...it speaks volumes of the ups and downs of addiction and that little voice that tells you that you will never win...we all just need to learn not to believe it!!
-
This is a pretty amazing poem. Your use of words is cool. I don't really hear some of them very much. I can picture whats happening. Nice Jjob!I really like the first stanza and the fourth!
-
Spoken with such truth
Addictions and the minds within one for forgivness the other craving a new fix .It sadens me for before it all began do you hear the whispers of the dangers you ignored for friends talked you into a slow death . It sadenes me to see our young today in such pain they feel has taken their soul. But their is a way back but once you are there the old friends arent friends anymore for misery loves company and they will draw you right back in . I hope you are free from this today I so want you to be
-
I too have traveled this road. Relapse happened for me countless times until I truly became sick of being sick, and tired of the same old broken down living. This side of the fence on it's worst day is better than what I thought was my best day getting high. I feel these words to the core.
I was missing you today and decided to come pay a much needed visit. I see it's been a while since you logged on. I pray all is well.
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥
Renee
-
struggles of the soul
I've never had to struggle with addiction of this kind
, any addiction afflicts the soul and mind..and this
dark poem says it deep and with feeling ,could be made into a rhyming modern extended sonnet of tribulations...
-
Wow, Viyanna! I would of never known. You hear drugs destroy the mind, but yours is intact. You write so beautifully.
The words you wrote here seemed to take me in one direction then in another. I would of ever seen drugs from this point of view.
Again a job very well donr!
Rose
-
"...warming the cold within my hardened heart
and promising relief's imprisonment."
Wow! That is EXACTLY what it was like! Very moving write. Thank you for sharing this!
Sheryl
-
tis a sadness when we lose the power to save self and the desire or cravings can destroy us inside and out, friends and relationships as well. we always have the power to change if we want it enough. thanks for sharing.:"f
-
Powerfull
This is a great poem, it speaks to the reader from the dark corners, You have done a great job here, Love John
-
great write, thanks for entering
(the contest is about drugs in general)
-
brilliant
I really relate to this poem. I like th ending the most
-
You are not alone. So many of us have traveled this path. Your piece flows from your heart.
-
excellent~
Addiction is an endless cycle...Once you start you can't quit...and if you quit and get around certain people places or things..it triggers a memory and your in trouble...that is why hubby and I stay away..he has 3 yrs clean this Sunday in AA....I swear if he was drinking and the shape I am in bad as I need him I would have to ask him to leave...I told him it was me or the bottle...thank heaven's he chose me
This was very powerful and very thought provoking
The flow and rythmn are perfect...
This poem is brutal killer and just perfect...
Best of luck in the contest...
Hugs
Susan~~~
-
Addiction is not easy. In fact, it can sometimes be shameful and hard to endure. The hardest thing to do about it is ask for help. We are either too prideful, or too ashamed. I really enjoyed this, it has a lot of deep feelings in it. I am glad to see that you have pulled through all of that which you had to go through. I am praying for you. Praise God you are where are you at now. Great job on this poem.
God Bless You!!
Charles
-
a deep & subliminal write
addiction is like a serial killer -- it has no conscience & can kill without mercy... an excellent write & full marks for being so upfront... WRITE ON!!! m-d
-
I know well the feelings of be fraudulent and disgraced. I lived for years with a High Anxiety Disorder. I was so wired that speed freaks wouldn't talk to me cause they thought I had the best stash in town.
I was incredibly self-sabotaging to boot. Yeah I understand and you make the need sound like love and the feelings of complition are lies and so you want those in their innocence look up to you to look away. This is truly a brutal piece even if you keep it at arms lenght from your readers and make it sing about the seduction.
Love Tom B.
-
The flow and rhythm of this poem was FLAWLESS. I loved the phrases you used and the constant personification (eww. definitely not intending to sound so high school) throughout the piece.
The topic of addiction is so close to my heart and it seems to permeate almost every aspect of my life, so to be able to write something this poignant and touching from my hardened point of view... is quite the feat. And you've done it quite well.
Two words stood out to me the most: "relief's imprisonment." Wow. That right there, speaks volumes into what addiction really is. Also, "the quietness of disgrace." Stunningly painful.
You've penned a fabulous piece here. -
-
you have just made my day. thank you very much. viyanna rosemarie
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
