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The Hunt

The full moon rises
In a velvet black sky
Casting unholy light
On unholy life

The hunt has begun

Roaming the streets
Feasting on the innocent
Feasting on the sinners
They’re all the same to him

A howl breaks the silence
A scream swiftly follows

No fear, no remorse

Blood drips from furred jaws
Blood drips from sharp claws

Thinking he is forever safe
Arrogance dulls his senses
Blinds him to the shadow
Lurking close to his own

She moves as he moves
Deadly through the streets
Following fresh blood
Following his scent
Waiting for the moment
When she can end the chase

Appearing before him
A vision to his eyes
Another victim for the beast
He growls
She smiles
Sharp fangs glisten

Still he does not realise
The smell of death is hers

Claws ripping through cold air
He pounces
He misses
Too fast for him, she laughs

Again he attacks
Still fearless, still oblivious
To the gun she holds
Until he feels the agony
Feels the ecstasy
As the silver pierces his heart
And he finally returns
To the man he once was
Looking for her forgiveness
The tears burn his eyes

Remembering her lover
The mortal life they once shared
She kisses his neck
Bites through his tender flesh
Death is shared, love rekindled
Tomorrow they will hunt together

Author notes

by Susan Laing

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Polaja Greeters member
    December 4, 2007
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    This poem was captivating... I like the style you have used to write this and I think that it sharpened the effect... the flow was smooth and the imagery was sharp... and the ending was wonderful also ... thank you for entering

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • psychiatrists dream
    November 26, 2007

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    such a FAB poem. flow was great and I was very interested to know what happened!!! thanks for entering and good luck


  • PureRomance
    November 21, 2007
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    This is a very dark and deep poem. I loved it. The flow the imagery it was amazing. I enjoyed every line. You are truly a talented and gifted poet don't ever allow anyone to tell you different. This was truly well-penned. Congrats on winning HM in the two contests that it's been in.


  • Lord Merlynn
    November 19, 2007

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    The full moon rises
    In a velvet black sky
    Casting unholy light
    On unholy life

    my favorite part of this piece. It so truly shows the emotion and feel of the beginning of a hunt... Great job, loved it.


  • Death of the Author
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The full moon rises
    In a velvet black sky
    Casting unholy light
    On unholy life

    Wow, what a great start!

    Ooo I like the "feasting" stanza too. The innocent and sinners being all the same, no discrimination there!

    A howl breaks the silence
    A scream swiftly follows

    I really like that part too, especially the alliteration.

    Arrogance dulls his senses

    I like that...his complacancy, he thinks he is the perfect killer (but evidently he is not)

    The smell of death is hers

    Umm still loving it!

    I disagree with the comment below. I liked the story and I thought you told it well. The descriptions were excellent. There were a few dud stanzas, but the others were really good.

    Thanks for your entry and good luck

    Take care x


  • a gothic romance
    November 4, 2007

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    this piece started off strong and faded out. it became more like a telling of a story. the image portrayed in the first stanza is powerful, but then it becomes a story, and not a very poetic one at that.
    you finished well as well, there's just that whole middle that doesn't live up to the beginning and end. i think this is caused by a lack of personal relationship to the story. that, and that, you had no chance to express much emotion throughout it. i can tell you have a soft spot for the story, but not enough to create a truly powerful piece.
    i think a series of free-writings could help you a lot. some brainstorming of ideas and emotions and ways to describe them. i think you might be better off writing from personal experience, straight from the heart.
    it takes a lot for any poet to write about something they have not witnessed and experienced for themself.
    i think you aimed too high here, or aimed for something which does not utilize your strengths.
    some playing around with structure and form might do you some good justice. testing out different styles and such and creating your own through it.
    thank you for entering


    • Genovefa
      November 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I agree with everything gothic romance said,i share her opinion about the poem. It started off greatly creating a haunting atmosphere where the story of the poem would unfold.I find the first 2 stanzas creative and wonderful!But although the story itself is interesting and you wanna know what happens in the end it lacks depth and real emotion.It becomes kinda matter-of-fact like you tried to put a short story in a poem. I'm sure you can get much better with practice and with everything gothic romance advised.Good luck in the contest!

1 - 7 of 7