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Lost

The light lay ashen as I lay resting
My dreams faded as my fear grew
The fear which was arresting
The only thing my heart knew

The fear of losing something long since past
Something that can never be
After that fateful die was cast
So long ago by the sea

My heart now lays broken
Unable to continue living with pain
I will never be woken
Lying here helpless in the rain

The world was coming to its end
As my eyes began to close
Nothing will ever mend
Because I am nothing but a ghost

A shadow that follows their every move
And tries to make them realize
There is nothing to prove
And I am not someone to idealize

I've done many horrible things
Always tried to make everyone appreciate me
And instead I’m being carried on deaths wings
With no hope of a another life and no guarantee

So now I am lost to everyone I know
And I’m sorry I could not foresee
That I was being covered in a thoughtless snow
Thrown out into the heartless sea

Author notes

I was inspired to write this after reading Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven"
Contest- Option 8, Username- Sweet--Fire--Roses

A contest entry

Random poem, plz tell me how i did.

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • piccola silver member
    April 11, 2008

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    nice dark write. Rhymes well and the flow was smooth. I find nothing to critique really...if you don't place it's just that I can't give a trophy to everyone and there might be one or two that hit a chord that this doesn't so keep trying.


  • Ms Raneika
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent poem I like the flow and darkness and true emotion I thank you for entering my contest!

    Love, Raneika


  • TheAshtrayGirl
    January 28, 2008

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    :)

    This is excellent
    I love the whole concept of it
    Great Job

    Thankyou for entering my contest
    &
    Goodluck

    Jaz <3


  • wakingdevil
    January 22, 2008

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    Rhyming was a bit off, other than that it was okay, Thanks for entering


  • BrokenDawn
    November 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That I was being covered in a thoughtless snow
    Thrown out into the heartless sea" Great way to ent this i liked it alot and i'm curious now to read the raven, just to see, i love you use of imaginary this is a great write! Bravo!
    Goodluck!
    ~dawn♥


  • NyteShade
    November 6, 2007

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    The Raven even though it came from Poe's delusions i think its the greatest poem of all time.

    Love what you have done with piece.

    My heart now lays broken
    Unable to continue living with pain
    I will never be woken
    Lying here helpless in the rain

    I really like this stanza.


  • FunnelWaxFate
    November 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Phenomenal write. Interesting how this master of a write was inspired after reading the marvelous raven piece by poe. Very dark, dismal and despairing, and acutely enthralling. I especially adore that last stanza, particularly the last line, so true, so very true. This write is gorgeous, the flow is superb. I just love that dreary tone, it reminds me very much like the tone that reigns through “The Raven”. It is quite thought provoking. I also found the fourth stanza to stand out in particular, as well. It sort of reminds me how I often feel about the tragedies of the world, the helplessness, as though I am worthless to aid in any sort of solution or recovery to all the qualms and plights of the world, like a ghost. I suppose that’s why it particularly stood out to me. This write is very well done, wonderful!!!

    • ShadowsMidnightRose
      November 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you funnel that means alot to me. I originally wrote it during my 5th period class, but ran out of time so i finished it last night. I'm also very glad that it flowed well and it actually made sence. But once again thank you very much!!!

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