ALONE
Alone I landed,
With water surrounded,
In a small belly tented,
Confined and contented,
Oh! It was my mother’s womb!
One fine day I am surrounded,
Smiling faces all around,
I am a NEWBORN Joy!
Now in the midst of company!
I grow against all odds,
Child,Teens,Lover ,Parent,Grandparent,
The different forms I act
To fulfill my duty intact.!
Alone or in midst of company!
One gloomy day I am surrounded ,
Crying faces all around,
Now in midst of company
But –
To be left all alone again,
Peaceful in my Grave!!!!!
Happy in the Womb,
Peaceful in the Grave,
Ultimately I realize
I am all ALONE !!!!!!
By
Yogi59
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
YOUR OPINION PLEASE
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wonderful
Very well done. So creative and full of feeling.
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Though I see what the previous commentor was citing...I disagree with her estimation. There is a 'flavor' of a different culture present in your language use which I find adds a depth and coyness to the words. I find the first stanza to be a simple awakening to life as a human within mother's womb and the 'element' of water and the sense of warmth and care very strong...I suppose it is a personal taste and perspective, but I find this to be a very emotive write, and a cleverly written visionary one as well. Peace, Rhonda
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this poem's really cute. it has a fun cheerful feel to it. it's a cute idea.
there's a spark of youth in it that makes it a delight to read.
but it's emotionally shallow. it's more like a simple tune you can hum while you stroll than a work of masterful poetry. there's a lack of literary tools that could help this piece profoundly. a certain depth of emotion i cannot feel in this. this is something you can read to a 4 year old and receive a similar reaction as if you were to read it to a forty year old.
the spark that sets you apart from other poets is lacking. i don't have a decent glimpse into the heart of all this. i'd like to see more intimate expression, more detail perhaps, analogies and the alike.
perhaps even a playing around with structure and form would really add to this. i'd like to see you write about a different topic. present a scenery and a state of mind and/or perspective in a beautiful work of literary art.
thank you for entering -
Great write here
Yes their is such a newness in all stages of our lives yet only one goal and within the returning to that place we find that one brings joy and the other sadness for we cry because we have been left behind .
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As always you bring truth to your poetry, this is a beautiful piece and I can tell it required some deep thinking.
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This is beautiful yogi good luck in the contest hope you win.
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