So what cha saying?
Why you on bended knees praying?
Am I not what you want me to be?
Is this a case of, do only as I see?
I got my own way of expressing myself.
Instead of criticizing… offer up some help!
These are thoughts… they emanate from within;
Spill onto paper, then bond together kinda like kin.
Folks, you all stay with your “prim and proper” way.
I’m just gonna be me no matter, come what may!
I just let it flow nice n’ free…
There are places in life where I aim to be.
I Don’t get upset ‘cause negative comments you inject;
I continue to just do me, n’ I’ll be okay that you can bet!
So what cha saying?...,yeah thought so!
I ain’t going nowhere I’m staying!
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow!
You are amazing! I love it!
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You r too kind!
THANK U THANK U! I read a couple pieces of your work and you ain't so bad yourself young lady!
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these rhymes seem somewhat forced. i find the difficulty in rhyming poetry is that sometimes you can't say what you really mean to say, because you are focused on making sure it fits in with the structure of the rest. the key is to let the words flow out freely in rhyme, which i feel they do not do here.
slight grammatical errors take away from some of this piece, but nowhere in poetry does it say you must use proper grammar and punctuation. i've been a fan of doing the opposite.
the structure is bland. there's nothing magnificent about this piece. there are some good ideas, but there's not much about you expressed here. it's pretty much just a "fuck you, i'm staying the same no matter what" to the reader. i can respect that, but as a poem in my contest, i promised to try to give the best constructive criticism i can.
this poem feels like it came out in 5 minutes without much thought. some of the ideas don't flow in with the rest of this piece. such as the first few lines.
this poem does not show me how you have the heart and soul of a poet. this poem simply shows me you have a rhyming dictionary.
where's the heart and soul? where's the beautiful idea and image you are trying to express? i think you'd be better off writing about something that moves you, a scenery, a story, a made up character in your head, a person, a life experience.
i'd like to see what you'd come up with if you took your walls down and completely bared your soul. just let it all out in a beautiful piece that is both visually and emotionally stimulating. it takes a lot of courage and balls to do that. i hope in time you do that. i don't know if you already have, i can only judge you by this piece alone.
thank you for entering.
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Thank You
I appreciate that you took the time read and comment on this piece. I do feel the need to respond to a few things you said. First while for you it seemed forced, I assure you that wasn't the case, I write in this style simply because it appeals to me.I have no problem injecting my pieces with emotion and I certainly have the balls
the thing is I'm most of the time just trying to keep light, because 90% of the time I read stuff on ap that's overflowing with sad and depressing subject matter I SIMPLY WANT TO OFFER A
DIFFERENT VIEW.Lastly, if I were horribly concerned with the proper grammar I would never even post anything.all that said, I like that you honestly said how you feel.
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so many feel this way, and I am glad your not going any place~~ excellent poem, love it, ~blessings to you always~
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thank you!
nice to hear from you again!
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