In the darkest of times,
with the greatest of ease.
It comes, it hungers,
it takes and it thieves.
It blinds and it buries,
it ties and torments
It gives you everything you've ever wanted
then leaves you wanting to repent.
It plays on your weakness
it knows what you desire.
It promises happiness,
but Sin is a liar.
Instead of the smiles
you're given the chain.
Given the guillotine,
And your hopes are slain.
A lesson taught;
is a lesson learned.
Don't play with Sin
Lest you desire to burn.
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Wow I love it. especially the fourth stanza!
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the subject matter is interesting, but the vocabulary and structure is very boring. there is nothing insanely moving about this piece. it seems like simple words and expressions flowing into rhyme. i feel no passion in this piece, no connection to the author. what is it about you that is poetic? what is your muse? what is it that moves you?
this piece shows me that it's obviously not the dangers of sin. i'm sure there's more deep inside you, for a rhyming piece the rhymes turned out fairly well. but it seems like a school project or something.
it's so bland. there's no zest to it.
i'd like to see you write something of passion, something that inspires and moves you,
or even an extended description of something you find beautiful, or ugly. or even just a poem about a singular emotion and how it effects the room around you, what it sounds like, smells like, anything.
1000 people could have written this exact poem.
you're not portraying what makes you special as an individual and a poet. write something no one else can. write something that is uniquely yours. like your emotions or perspective.
or specific life events.
thank you for entering
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