A couple of drinks for my broken heart,
as you listen to my tears
while touching my body, begins to impart
the arousal of my fears.
Cold and dark,
the night speaks of my heart.
The wind blows its thin breath through me.
Wetting rain
does its drowning of pain
as my reason flies out to sea.
My judgment is locked in our hungry eyes
for your body and my soul.
I already know we’ll have sad goodbyes.
But now … please make me feel whole!
Author notes
One night of passion with a stranger....
**Contest entry [Kiss Me!] ~ The most passionate kiss ~ **
Thanks to my friend Sultan the poem is now completed!!
A contest entry
- 54th Contest by Tarja.
475 points, ended November 2, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 73 of 73
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Beautifully written
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our poems are similar as you say...
...this poem is full of emotion and tenderness. Why are times such as these considered as 'bad?' I do not know the answer to that, because experience teaches us that a one night stand can be very important, can make us feel whole and is a wonderful experience.
You have captured the essence completely in these magic words.
Oh, your poem brings back great feelings and leaves me to shudder within my memories. Thank you for that.
'my reason flies out to sea' is a true line and expresses so much about wisdom with wings.
More memories. 
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gorgeous and balanced
passionate and aware, dizzy and balanced, this one takes you through the finely balanced moments when rationale and raging passion swing it so gently.
The sensuality of the turmoil and the giving in...fantastic collage of emotions
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it think great pomes interstin
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Congratulations on the Trophy!!!
This was written with so much taste!
Clappies for both you and Sultan.
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Let me taste the bitter sweet.
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wow..
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a nicely described onenight stand... these are usually hard to talk about, i know from experience
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to freaky!!!!!
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A beautiful poem
Yours is a very honest sharing of the very real human need for physical comfort, and relief from the pain of the heartache of being alone after losing a loved one.
Your words spoke to me as someone who is living daily with these feelings. To share them as you have done takes courage. Thank you for having that courage.
Your first line sets the scene for the rest of your poem. Whilst having "a couple of drinks" and sharing your grief, you meet with someone who gives you comfort and what might never have been considered becomes possible as the senses feel the touch of tenderness.
The last line epitomises all the longing for what you have been missing so desperately in the hope of feeling whole again after being broken into many pieces.
Thank you Becks for a brave and beautiful poem
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that was beautiful bold and
fearless. Good job on this write! and Congrats on the
Silver Trophy!
our tender human fralities our yearnings to be connected
...whole.
Good job dear poet, good job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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Nice, very nice. I can feel the conflict in your words. The picture isn't even necessary. I can see it all just in the imagery you create. The primal need to be fulfilled fighting against the heart's longings. Beautifully written!
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Such beautiful words filled with so many emotions. You touched a very special place in my heart.
Margaret
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sexy
very sensual . . perfect description of this dilemma and the related feelings . . like " the arousal of my fears" and "as my reason flies out to sea" . . feeling whole is a large part of this . . nice write !!
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I clicked on this in the featured box and didn't want to cost you points! Look at that pretty silver trophy of yours just dazzling up the page!
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love it! You made this one night with a stranger seem so beautiful when most of the time its a one night stand and something made to be ugly. U like what you did here. Your trophy was well earned. Thanks for sharing this with me Much love and keep up the great penning!~Jessica
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very nicely done, passion and a sense of honesty or acceptance, no self delusion here, very well written...congrats on your well earned prize...PK
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nicely written.....
though i didnt found it too HOT.
but it was nicely picturised
but i really appreciate tht u managed to show it out in few wrds.!!
keep penning
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Sizzlin hot, that's what this piece is! The title speaks volumes for the poem itself, I love it!
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very
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a tragic piece, with the goodbyes, but life does not always work out like a fairytale; I see an eleventh commandment on the horizon for men- take, and ye shall keep! For what kind of guy would take and leave... I do see that you still need that long, passionate kiss in this piece... and maybe what led up to its being passionate, and long... and beware of men who touch body...! Well, congrats on the silver for your first erotic write...
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I like this poem. It is well titled, short sweet and concise. I can relate very much at the moment
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Nice job. Nice collaboration. It is interesting to see work done by two people. The blending together can be separate voices or one person writing and the other editing and pointing out changes. I write collaboration by each writing a voice and during the exposition, we switch voices and it gets real interesting. thank you for your poem and congratulations on the trophy.
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this is a great write from you. very deserving of the silver that you have earned in this contest. congratulations on a job very well done. viyanna rosemarie
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I love it!
You know I found alot of passion in this poem. It's amazing. I absolutely love it. The picture that you're trying to paint with words come out picture clear and perfectly. Sometimes it is difficult for most ppl to understand poems, b/c there's words that you don't know what they mean, but in this one everything is perfectly matched, perfectly rhymed well together. Awesome job. Keep up the great work. -
This was very well done. It showed those times when we just need to feel the touch of another human..even if it is just for a moment. Great writing.
Soulful Woman
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"already know we’ll have sad goodbyes.
But now … please make me feel whole!"
-made me think, although we're saying goodbye....i wanna see u one last time...i wanna feel you and want u 2 touch me one last time.
i like it...i feel like Swangrnv
it made me feel warm also. -
NICE!
Made me feel warm inside! l.o.l.! seriously , nice stuff! GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!
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I know this a contest poem but by looking at your author notes, I just can't help but wonder if there is some personal history behind it also. Very sensual write.
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wow... this is so great... i love this part:
I already know we’ll have sad goodbyes.
But now … please make me feel whole!
thats really a great way to end it... and yet theres such loneliness... its pretty...good job
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Excellent read. The end was just perfect.
Sweet, hot, and sad. Altogether, and that's quite an offering. Best of luck, in your contest,
Jin
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This is very very good and it just drew me in from beginning to end. It has a sadness to it as well as excitement! Great job here and the best of luck to you in the contest
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Oh, it's so sad. Brilliant though.
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this is brilliant i do relate to some of these lines,
great flow enjoyed. -
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............
This is mind blowing. Just Imagine if every expierience can be like this. Honest I must say.
Hope that you will find that one that will make you whole agian
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YES! I love it! Thank you! One question, is this true? If it is that's so romantic in a strange sort of way.. but yeah! I just loved the story it really won me over! Thank you so much for entering and good luck.
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Nice poem, catchy style of representing the creation. Well done for you both.
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MIND BLOWING
This is so ironic that I read this. I had sex with this guy and everytyhing I wanted was expressed through this poem. Its funny though when you try to truly find someone and have a night like this, it turns out to the guy it just means nothing and to him all you are is a oen night stand. Good Wriet anyway, pardon my babbling. -
Wow...very good. I love it, it has a dark passion..arousal just waiting! and its for a "stranger"..I find that interesting.lots of good images too, you didn't overload it with can be too overwhelming.
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I think because I didn't know him, it was easier to trust him. I knew none of his flaws.
Thanks for your great comment!
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Wow...I loved this poem!!! I could feel the passion of that one lustful night...for you filled your poem with many breathtaking images...I liked these lines most...Wetting rain
does its drowning of pain
as my reason flies out to sea..." Looking forward to your wonderful writes!!!
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You make this wanton
I read this and wanted to be there too, that is the making of a good piece of work.
Well done.
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hahaha. Thanks for that comment! Wish I would be this impulsive more often.
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You've captured the sexual tension very easily, and I love the line: "Wetting rain/does its drowning of pain..."
Great write!
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This is a great poem. I think you and your friend shoud get credit for this poem.
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The joy highlights the ache of the physical body. We become empty and fill thin when the dream of a rich relationship proves a lie. Unneeded and unheeded we are shadows where before we created light. I love your imagery and tenderness in the second verse.
The last verse speaks so well of why we seek touch when we are on the bounce. It is not that we are looking for forevers but that we want to be whole again and feel the River flow rich through us.
Very good.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautiful. The rhyming is really good and doesn't seem forced at all. The flow is nice and the feeling of the poem is very strong. Good Job!
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thats a cool azz poem
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This is an amazing Poem!
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I love this! BEAUTIFUL!
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situations to accept...passions to expend...one night stands are over and done before one can say alleluia..hmmm , a bachelor's life!
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Wonderful write!!! very beautiful poem!! you did a great and wonderful job!!!!! I really enjoy reading it!!!
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Awsome.
This is such a good piece of work. I loved the energy you've captured. Keep writing.
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Wow
I like the imagery, very nice indeed. As for the piece itself, I love it. It made for a great read.
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This is so exotic and beautiful. The passion is so wonderfully expressed.
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This is an amazing piece thank you for linking this to me.You have done a fine job with this.Best wishes and much love
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This is a wonderful piece you two have penned here, very nice, well done on a great collaberation.
Karen -
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Thank you for taking the time and reading my poem...
I like the face you chosen for yourself!!
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You and Sultan did a marvelous job on this. The honesty is one which I think many would shy away from admitting to, yet it is real and raw human condition. But even just a fleeting moment where judgement and reason are tossed to the sea is sometimes exactly what we as living , breathing, needy humans need [passion with a stranger]I really enjoyed this....
respectfully,
reenie
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A beautiful poem that suits the picture perfectly. What I particularly like about it is the honesty ... the sense of loss in a way as you say:
"my judgement is locked in our hungry eyes for your body and my soul."
Now that is such a true statement because every time we sleep with someone, we leave a part of us with that person and they leave a part of themselves with us. You articulate the very essence of 'lust' so well ... I give you top marks for the poem. For your heart, your mind, your sanity ... I would say "take care." xx
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Ah yes.... you capture a fleeting moment with clarity, yet you speak of "reason flies out to sea" and "judgement". This seems to me to show the fact that it is a known that reason and judgement are being disregarded, for passions sake. This I find to be a wonderful definition of lustful , passionate, one-night passion.
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In Hope
the thirst for pleasure. To be recognized & loved. Seems always thee for some.. For others . The cold hearted. just an ego trip & lust... beware
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Beautiful & Perfect
you did a great job on this one. The words flow like tears falling down one face and the longing to be whole will soon replace with a new love somewhere out in the sea or somewhere close to home. It is a beautiful poem and thank you for asking me to read.
Morningstar
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Oh my a one night stand. What would your mother say? hehe... this is a great read fulled with passion and image.
Love,
Amera♥
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lol!! I just hope my mom never visit this site. lol!! Thank you for stopping by!!
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"Wetting rain
does its drowning of pain
as my reason flies out to sea."
yes, this is so true about one night stands, you have captured the emotion of them very well in this write.
I suppose, this is admitting I have had a few..lol
A great poem, the meter could be cleaned up a bit, but other than that, I enjoyed this, a very good write for your first erotic one!
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Sad-Senual-Dark
The metaphor, 'weather' is a good use for senual writes. A melocholic-write that almost denies the hungry-passion that is often associated with one-nighters. The casual words-choices detracts the power this poem holds. My suggestion would be to elice(erase) inconsequentual words and therefore make it a very short tight poem, or after elicing, flesh it out with more imagery playing on your 'weather' metaphor.
Senual poems are just like one-night-stands, we all have our first at some point and time.
~Starr~ XXX
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very nice sweety
good for your frist -
I can feel this quick relationships' pain with a goodbye to go with it...Very painful experience..To meet, feel love, and have to say goodbye..The elements of the weather accentuated the chill of this farewell...Very good, in the emotional write, and the feelings of your pain are conveyed very well!
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I liked it, i really enjoyed the last stanza. It sounds like it was one mans luck night. Hey if you could check out one of my poems i would greatly appreciate it. The Hidden Passion is an love poem that you may like.
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I thought that this was very soft and sensual.
I love the imagery and emotion in it. You did
a great job putting this one together. Thanks
a lot for sharing it with me, I appreciate it!
Keep up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826
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This was good for a first time erotic write. It could use a few word changes, but seriously, this is just fine as is also.
Keep penning dear!
~Inc."
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