this vision holds true
with languid regret and dizzied heights
streams of consciousness
and thought divided thusly be
amongst these thorny crowned dilemmas
hidden am I
waiting
no course of justice for me
O no
I am tried and convicted by my own admissions
these shadow plays
on non-reflective surfaces
I dance
For you all
these gutted dreams
so visceral
lay bleeding on the sand
corpus christi
credo quia absurdum et tu disiecti membra poetae
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
i like it.
but it seems scattered and emotionally shallow.
i like how it feels like a drugged description of a darkened scene. i like the vocabulary.
there's not much of a flow to it, but it fits together in itself. it's a bit confusing. i am not sure exactly what you are getting or what the purpose of this piece is. it seems like a random display of scenery and pretty words. it's a different genre of poetry. it's one-dimensional and emotionally weak.
i do enjoy it because it has this eerie dark flow to it, greatly portrayed with the background.
i do have a bias with this piece, since i have been wearing black for many years and have a soft spot for beautifully dark poetry. it is difficult to give criticism to this piece because of that. i will try to judge this poem as fairly as possible in the contest though. thank you for entering
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