A single note
carries on streaming
through thoughts
never fully thought through,
A revelation silent
on the minds of Civilization
minus the Civil and i.
Now when we carry on
in the name of Movement,
voices will awaken,
remastering our paths
with the steps we've not yet taken.
A single percussion
is repeated to seem like many others,
vaporized by the full-rest in harmony.
Two notes are now formed: a chaotic symphony
harmonizing the beginning and the end.
Knowing this
we stand in wait,
silenced in their compression,
paused in composition.
We dig for Truth,
to excavate hope,
wielding reality without proper grip
so now when we dance in words
we synchronize lies
and absolute values.
Math has very few truths,
but the few stand strong.
And when we don't know what they mean
let's set our minds to a mode of medians
to mediate confession,
to instigate rival causes.
Standing between a rock and a lock face,
I hide the combination.
When we divide amongst ourselves
and no one gets their dividends
we look into each other
to envision how the world ends.
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I am at a loss fr words the only thing that comes to mind is excellent oh yes Outstanding!
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this poem seems to be divided.
the first half and second half seem to portray different ideas. there is so much adjective to scenery and so little metaphor to emotion. i have no idea how all this makes you feel.
poets are beautiful because they have a depth of emotion as well as an ability to express that emotion in a beautiful manner. in this piece i feel a philosophy, and idea, a scenery, but i cannot find any relation to the author in it. true, this can be a spectacular work, but poetry in it's oldest forms was recognized as beautiful because the emotions portrayed (even when accidentally written in a fiction work) was breathtaking, awe-inspiring, and thought-provoking.
i do not feel emotion in this. i feel a sense of longing for discovery (which i can relate to) a sense of something huge and powerful happening. But it's a world-wide sense.
where are you in all of this? where are your emotions influencing this? why is it that you, above anyone else, should be writing this? where's your personality comming through in this piece?
i do like this piece, don't get me wrong. i feel that you can be a much more powerful writer than is portrayed in this work. you are much more than
"A revelation silent
on the minds of Civilization
minus the Civil and i."
let's hear it
thank you for entering -
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Ty
Thank you for your insight. I can tell that at a minimal, you put substantial consideration in this piece and I really appreciate that. I have written many personal pieces, this one clearly not one of them. I think it's also to consider though that art has a spectrum of purpose and occasionally, there is much to experience when stepping out of the microcosm. Again, thank you for your time and I hope you find what you're looking for in the contest.
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