Fog.
the kind typical of Seattle storms;
broken tree limbs and late night electricity.
A fog so thick,
so undeniably apparent,
I could feel it on my face,
tied around my wrists,
tickling my toes.
I could barely hold my posture,
kneeling there,
palms pressed with my legs spread;
still enough to pray.
I feigned atonement for the desecration
of our bodies,
the weakness in our joints;
for the tears in my stockings
and the scratches on his back.
I confessed we were invincible,
exhaling conviction into the atmosphere,
letting it crush our bones to a Holy Oblivion.
But, the stench of its aftermath plagued my city;
the vulgarity left permanent imprints on my soul.
And I can still feel his fingertips trailing down my body,
wreaking havoc on my skin.
So, late last night, I bolted.
I ran through bustling cities
and abandoned corn fields,
searching aimlessly for true oblivion.
I traced God's silhouette into the carpeting
and stomped out His holy aura
until there was nothing left to pray for
but blurred chalk marks
and holes in my comfort zone.
I left Seattle a glorified inferno of impending doom,
but not before I let it burn us alive.
A contest entry
- for truly talented poets and those who desire to be better by a gothic romance.
475 points, ended November 8, 2007, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your silver to gold by zochit2me.
475 points, ended January 6, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
just be honest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
This is wonderful. Congratulations on your prior trophies. Thank you for sharing and entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
-
This is stellar poetry and well written.
The ending was fantastic.
Becky
-
content 7.75
vocabulary 11
accuracy 7.6
creativity 7.6
theme 7.6
originality 7.68
totals-49.28
-
This makes me quake. Narcotic bliss, and I'm not even exaggerating. Your thoughts... meanings.... I can't even say. You complete me.
I loved it.
-
I'm sorry, but I have a hard time determining the actual theme of this piece. You have rich metaphors and a deeply textured piece, but what are we supposed to see in the texture? Seattle? Sex? Rape? Disillusionment? I just don't know. cq
-
wow. i REALLY love this piece.
i really don't know how much constructive criticism i can give for it
the only thing i can think of, is that this poem more or less tells a story and a deeper expression of emotion could greatly contribute to this piece. although i can almost tell exactly how you feel already.
this is brilliant.
thank you
for entering
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
