And you compare my hair
to almonds as it runs through
your amaretto hands,
saying something about
the way light runs in autumn
and the feel of pink petals
under your thumb. I am thinking
your five fingers spread
too much like a new flower,
sweet with oil at dusk, but
lonely in the morning.
Your nut-brown flesh pulls
taut over the hulls of
your collarbone and the
inside of your elbow,
but when my comb slips
through air thick with skin
to grow in the shape of a shell
beneath our feet, I remember
that almonds are only ever
eaten or seeded. And for you,
I will be neither.
Author notes
Bitter almonds are the variety with pink flowers; the seeds contain cyanide.
Please critique - I am open to all honest comments.
A contest entry
- Early in the Morning by Utok Bulinaw.
450 points, ended November 16, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Poems by Avatar of Innocence.
400 points, ended December 27, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just about anything you want, as long as it's amazing. by g r e y i s m.
800 points, ended February 15, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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love in the time of cholera?
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Cholera? *laughs* Not quite...
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I just love your poetry.
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Haha, thank you!
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My pleasure as always!
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You bring an earthy feel to your poetry that I admire. The metaphors hold well the imagination. I find myself smiling and nodding my head in agreement when I read your words, which I haven't done for a long time with someone from this site, someone that's not already famous. That's what this is: very agreeable. I do agree with Nicolette on one part of the poem, though. The "five fingers" bit didn't completely fit, but, at the same time, it doesn't truly take away. It's a sort of depth in repitition sort of thing. I love "the shell beneath our feet" and the rest of the ending.
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One of these days I'm going to take the advice of everyone who's read this piece and take out the word "five"... *laughs* I'm glad you like it!
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This is beautiful poetry - bittersweet and with just the right combination of love and bitterness. Loved the edge here, yet there is something soft and melancholic about it too. No wonder you already have two trophies attached to this one.
You have some great line breaks here too and the metaphor was applied so very well. I love almond blossoms and I love almonds but I think I'll never view them in the same light again! Perhaps the only change I can suggest is "five fingers" - I don't think you need the "five" there.. the line already suggest a hand in your hair - just my humble opinion.
But really, this is a great poem. I too was reminded of Plath.
~ Nicolette
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You're the second person to mention the word "five" in this piece...I really should reconsider it lol. Thank you for your very welcome thoughts and opinions.
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this is lovely. I really enjoyed it. I am glad to see that there is already a good entry into this contest.
thanks for your entry and best of wishes...
Lea -
Best In Show, Thus Far
Reminds me a bit of Sylvia Plath's poems. I find this poem quite compelling--and surprising.
There is no cliche' in this poem. Gread Job you. I quite like it but I don't know why yet.
Give me a few minutes to mull it over...
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This is one of the most striking poems I have read. Many would be misled by the simplicity of this poem, the allusions to plants, and call this poem quite rudimentary.
I'm sorry, this is the best poem I have read so far. Not emotional, but cooly detatched from even itself. The flow is consistant, and the dialogue between the reader and narrator, while the reader assumes the persona of the male in this poem shatters any preconceived notions of mediocrity.
Good Job you. Neither Love poem or Unlove poem. The last line ties in all of the spectacular elements of this poem. It is also striking by itself. I never thought of the title as being truly unique, but it is in terms of its word choice and the meaning it reflects in the poem.
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Thank you! I am ever so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for taking the time to host and judge this contest, and for your lovely comments. This contest was obviously a great success - I noticed there were a lot of excellent entries! Thanks again for the trophy!
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This is quite an interesting interpretation of the poem, different from most of the entries here. I admire how you went beyond the common. But I think the word "five" is not necessary in the first line of the second stanza. I like how this poem begins with such sweetness and how the bitterness betrayed that in the end. I think that kind of irony is very effective in poetry so as to leave an imprint to the reader's mind. I also like how this poem opens to a variety of questions and analysis. The imagery is outstanding and the voice is lasting. Thank you for this entry.
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I'm glad you enjoyed my piece. I'll be the first to admit that my inclusion of the word "five" was purely on a nerdy botanical level - almond flowers have five petals, and here there are five fingers in the hand that spreads "too much like a new flower." I guess that's what happens with a plant biologist writes poetry lol. Thanks for hosting such an excellent contest - you have now idea how happy it makes me to know I'm not the only person that reads Li-Young Lee.
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very poetic imagery about senses of touch taste aromas, textures of hair, there is a lot of showing by imagery here, the message is strong and clear; a woman wills to change her life in important ways... a sense of acceptance pervades..this is very well done...PK
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All the earmarks of a good poem
But, to be honest, I wonder about your reversal of feeling
for your partner. Perhaps, I'm just too thick to understand.
Yet, I like your style.
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To be honest, it was only ever good for him. I only fooled myself into thinking I belonged in his hand until later. Bitter almonds... Thanks for your comments.
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a thoughtful monologue, you've encompassed all parts of an almond, comparing to your bodies, then you start to think, and your early acceptance is reversed.
The rhythm of bodies gives way to the rhythm of unhappy mind, this poem seems to be a request for greater honesty, whether from your partner or yourself I'm not sure. I did like it, but here we can buy crushed almonds too.
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have nothing critical.
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