fevered autumn
intertwining limbs
drink deep grey earth
sighing softly she
breathes the nameless
mystery of life
once shared
would her
breath were mine
our paths were one
trembling laughter
fading touch
tears for the dead and alms
do you forgive them?
Author notes
This is a dream from a couple of weeks back, couldn't get it right until today
A contest entry
- A Forest of words by this is a war.
600 points, ended November 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A dreamworld pleasantly evoked in a nicely balanced poem. The enigmatic "Do you forgive them" has a deep touch I think - particularly so since it is placed after dead and alms.
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thank you, i took the last two lines directly from the dream narrator's voice, don't think i can take the credit...
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GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONTEST!! THIS IS AMAZING!!!!
This is so gorgeous I love this so much! From start to finish this is very very gorgeous! It has so much intense moments and the words really do mean something. Every moment spoke to me, and I can feel all the emotions, it is a very deep write, and it is very beautiful. It flows so lovely together! It goes so deep and sooooooooo amazing!
BEAUTIFUL!
You are very creative!! Keep it up!!
Kit
x x x
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ummmm, This one makes me think....
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I like the abstract form of this poem, I thought it was original and painted an interesting image. Lovely work
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To this observer, this one seems to be about an unresolved issue of some type, trying to make it's presence known to your conscious mind....sometimes, our dreams have a message and this one seems like one that does. Aloha to you and yours.. alisa ;-)
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hmmm very odd. Not sure that I quite understand, but I somehow enjoyed it either way.
It was a bit odd right here: "once shared
would her
breath were mine"
It feels like something might have been worded wrong. But I could be wrong.
Nice job ^_^ -
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its my utter lack of punctuation that's all
try reading it like this
the nameless mystery of life once shared.
Would her breath were mine...
in the Shakespearean plea sense of would -
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lol i still don't understand. not the biggest Shakespeare fan here, but i have confidence in your validity. ^_^
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Short, and sweet, I quite enjoyed this read, never ceases to amaze me the quality of our dreams, and the impact something so simple as thoughts floating around in our subconscious while sleeping, can have in reality. Thank you for sharing.
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