It's a feminine eye that first detects
absurdity as a condition of existence.
In the deepest resources of my unconscious,
in that place where ego slept in the nude,
I knew she saw through me like
Roentgen X-rays of my soul.
Ultimately, it was my pride that
caused us to fly in different ways;
burning love had poured
from the lamps of our bodies,
shrouded in mystery,
like the day of a king or
more adroitly the nights of a queen.
We had found identity, yet
all signs of subtlety,
any shred of relationship,
were forfeit to the pale mackerel sky.
Author notes
A 6 0 s M a n --- She was the most intelligent woman I ever knew. That I let my pride split us is a source of life-long regret. I remember there was a mackerel sky the morning that we separated.
A contest entry
- A Stunning Contest by Dalaney.
600 points, ended November 14, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Return my Muse by Hersheys Kisses.
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500 points, ended December 27, 2007, 22 entries
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400 points, ended January 5, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Nice memory
I probably would have named it Mackelel Sky
good luck in the contest
W W -
This poem left me feeling cold. I really like the lines,
"In the deepest resources of my unconscious,
in that place where ego slept in the nude,
I knew she saw through me like
Roentgen X-rays of my soul."
You must really love a woman for her to have that effect on you.
I like the honesty here and I like the finality in the ending. Leah
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Lovely Poem. Nice use of words.
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a well written piece that I am stuck for commenting with even on my third attempt to....
-
everything about this poem
is exceptional. you've given
me a piece i can think about,
and i appreciate this very much...
to me, poetry is something to
savor, not swallow whole...
Laney
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I like the begining and the end particularly I felt the middle was lacking just a little bit. But other then that the imahery enticed me. I loved the subtly of the poem.
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