YOU ARE MY FLOWER IN HELL, DEFYING ALL REASON.
YOU ARE MY LIGHT IN THE DARK, SHOWING ME THE WAY.
SCIENCE CAN’T UNDERSTAND.
RELIGION CAN’T BELIEVE.
WHAT YOU DO TO ME WHEN YOU’RE AROUND.
THE WORDS YOU SAY TO ME
THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME.
FOR ALL OF THIS ALL I CAN DO.
IS SAY...THANK YOU.
Author notes
This was written for someone, who at he time I loved more than anything ever, and though this romance ultimately ended in tragedy and hatred (resulting in a second poem named "You Too" if anyone cares to hear it), I still to this day feel greatly for this person.
A contest entry
- [Teenage love♥] by Madison Mary.
496 points, ended November 9, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All for Love! by Auburn Sunrise.
1000 points, ended November 13, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT LOVE!!!!!! by Breaking Inside.
450 points, ended November 9, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something so spirtual so that the hair on my arms and neck stands up by SueMason.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love and hope....poems from the heart by XxEmo-SkittlezxX.
400 points, ended February 5, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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great write
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You should consider playing with the format of this a bit. I think it loses something with it being all capital letters and the punctuation need work. When you chose to use punctuation, it should be used correctly as it changes the natural flow otherwise. Still, I liked this poem. You had a good message and, in spite of your author's comments, it comes across rather positive. Good luck in the contest!
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wow this is wonderful. to bad it ended bad for you, great write none-the-less!
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I understand...
I mean, I can't know exactly how you feel, but I can certainly relate.
I have been there (check out "Love on Cape Fear", "Exit Wounds (revised version)", and basically any poem about love by me). Hence this contest.
Anyhow, I must say I really enjoyed the short, blunt nature of this piece. I would prefer that it wasn't all capitalized (somehow that just... takes away from the beauty of the words to me). Capitalizing certain words may be more effective. Also, writing in all caps insinuates or expresses a sort of anger, which may be perfect for some contests or genres, but not this one.
I love how you added that "science can't understand" and "religion can't believe"... well stated!
Thank you for entering!!!!
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