Her dress trails down a thousand stairs
Marbled, ice to her soft skin
Persephone, prisoned right there
Demeter’s daughter, chained, akin
Yet her life has no Fantasy
Ordained by Roman gods
In her Hades, tragedy
All that remains in her thoughts.
Onyx ink runs down her spine
Tainting every innocent vein
Where the sanguine and mud find
A confluence, she’s left in pain
All the fading lace can give
No comfort in the Reaper’s chill
Milk white throat can breathe its last
Before she falls on glass so still.
Author notes
lux perpetua--eternal light
in latin!
^.^
a misnomer
A contest entry
- Your Favorite Poems by Avatar of Innocence.
400 points, ended December 27, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Eek! What in the hell?
A great Latin title, but quite misleading.
While I appreciate your allusion to myths, I would appreciate you get the goddess' name right: it's Demeter. Demeter is the Greek name for the goddess of plants and harvests, and her Roman name is Ceres. Demetra is a princess in another region's myths.
The second stanza is so-so. Talk to me if you are not too sentimental to improve it.
The second line in the second stanza contains a mix-up: I think you mean "veins" the pathways that carry blood, as opposed to the adjective "vain" denotes unhealthy self-interest and superiority.
Cliche word: crimson. Why not ruby, garnet, (adj.)sanguine, or cinnabar?
Including the jumble in homonyms, bad poem. Disregarding the error (on your part or mine for possibly misreading your poem by bringing my own expectations) so-so poem.
If you have the bravery to know why, message me. Otherwise, remove from contest please -
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The title was supposed to, in a sense be misleading. But it sort of forshadows the ending.
My apologies. Spelling has never been my strongpoint. Yes, I meant Demeter.
IF I did not want intense critiques, I would not enter it in the blasted contest. Please stop asking if I am too sentimental to hear honest critiques.
Again, spelling. My apologies.
Sanguine-like that, though really, isn't it a dirty red-brown colour?
PLEASE stop asking if I am brave enough to know why you think this is mediocre! For pity's sake, I have already said before several times that I am open to harsh comments, as long as you state them as your own and support them well. -
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I was just checking- hence the reason I tend to repeat questions like "Are you sure?". I respect you for NOT being chicken shit like some other people in the contest who cried.
Sanguine is actually a word that shares its origin in either (or both) Latin/ French: it means blood, and describes passion associated with the color red and the flush of blood.
Not dirty brown-red as it is a deep red.
One order of intense critique coming right up. Hang on.
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Wow--very well written and very classical. This poem was a fine read!
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