Street, rags, croocked banks
I don't know why people live in this dump.
Is all should be a lie,
or is it because, even how much they tried.
They stuck in the world who put them into swamps.
I hate to ask why these things happened,
I't because I know I should do an actions.
It's the people's choice to regret,
It's the people's choice to define.
But whatever disposition they'll make,
I'll make mine.
The depth of our souls,
The way we think, the way we act,
How we cost and pay our banks.
How we manage and how we waste.
How we do all these things,
While there are more people who live in affliction.
While there are people of condemnation.
Blasphemies, dysphemism, epithet, corruptions.
These things blurred my emotion,
These facts killed my perception.
While there are some who do an actions.
There are some who neglect the truism.
People shouldn't live with blindfolds.
They shoudn't create gaps and agitations.
While there are some who put angst and feary.
While people discomfort humanity
While they destroy the nation and build anxiety.
While they implement the cursed fraternities.
Who is you? Where you are?
Could I find you?
Could I tell and ask here's my hand.
Hold it my friend.
These doesn't mean to carry all the burdens
But to atleast define your selves,
That you are here and not just an ILLUSION.
Author notes
"secret"
("If I told you would you try to understand")...
This poem is for my people, for my countrymen, refering to the society, refering to all. I admit I'm not a great poet, I'm just a beginner. But I know atleast even from my simple poem I can show and spread my thoughts. I admire good thought and hate foul and evil things. I respect the rights who a person is, but he need to judge his own deed and thought. I fear God, I love him that's the reason I offer all the works of mine for him. I thank him for he blessed me. I know I'm not perfect and no one will. But all can think and do good for the better. I continue striving for a change and hope that someone will help me here.
- Harry Potter School group list • next in list
A contest entry
- I Could Never Be The One You Want by tigress3737.
600 points, ended November 17, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I need.... poems.. by Amorous Arms.
450 points, ended November 17, 2007, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strung out && b r o k e n more than an old cassette by PaintedParisPassion.
600 points, ended December 24, 2007, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - “Philosophy is the science which considers truth” by xbyebyebeauty.
386 points, ended January 11, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Say What You Need To Say by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended April 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm in the mood for anything, SO GO FOR IT! by Chocoholic156.
750 points, ended April 17, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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your average score is 72.5 not high enough to make this poem a finalist. sorry
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Ummm... I really was confused, that was probably just me, because i can see all of the people who loved this. So, yeah, I was just confused by the whole thing. Sorry, maybe next time..
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Title: 5/5- I love this title!
Venting: 38/50- The venting is very evident in some places, but hard to read in others. Your first stanza is very confusing.
My Personal Like/Dislike: 10/15- interesting themes, it has some really good parts.
Followed Rules: 20/20- Perfect
Grammer/Spelling: 7/10- Some of your phrases make little sense, and I think you have a few words misplaced.
Total: 80/100
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Title: 5/5- wonderful
Venting: 40/50- The pain is defintitly there, but I feel you didn't say all you had to say
My Personal Like/Dislike: 10/15- Not my favorite theme, but not my least favorite
Followed Rules: 0/20- Poem is over a month old
Grammer/Spelling: 10/10- works
Total: 65/100 -
i wish all people would belive like this my friend
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This was fantastic.
The message was clear and very very important to me as well.
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This is a very deep piece witha very profound message. I like the way it was presented, and the picture goes nicely with the piece. thx for entering, but could you please put the secret phrase in your author's notes? thx
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Poignant message here and it opens the mind very well to all that surrounds us. Great piece and thank you for entering!
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Amazing.
The shackled mind, no place to find,
imagination deaf and blind.
The stifled brain, 'tis all the same,
black and white repetetive game.
The equal sum, for all are numb,
oblivious to the things to come.
Nothing is real, can you not feel,
we lay and thus await the seal.
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Wow...this is truly a fantastic write and I am so porud that you are also a Filipino...anyways, I loved the strong character that you have in your poem and I do agree with you that the situation that we have in our country is not an illusion...unfortunately, they are real...I liked these lines most..."It's the people's choice to regret,
It's the people's choice to define.
But whatever disposition they'll make,
I'll make mine..." Mga napakagandang linya na tumatak sa aking isipan...
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Great words great message Excellent write I enjoyed reading this
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I love the use of words in this piece, it flows very nicely. well done.
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I like the intrinsic message in this piece. Keep writing kabayan.
VIRGOAN
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I learn as I read, I love as I understand.
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Lovely write!!
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Thanks Rebekah, I hope you love my other poems.
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This is good too. It is hard-hitting and thought-provoking. Sometimes, it may seem that life is an illusion, but the harsh realities of life soon bring people back down to earth. Keep writing, you are good.
All the best
Wayne
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thanks again, I am going to make another poem right now, but befor I start, I woulk like to take a loo of your creations. Thanks and More Power to you.
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