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Within My Soul, You Live

 



A separate heart, a new found soul,
mated like memories sold and sown.
Tentative reaching from you to me,
across these miles of mass misery.

 


Too scared to hope, too sure to leave,
feeling a presence that leaps a pulse.
Perplexed by paths we didn’t take,
unable to bury mistakes‘ high price paid.

 


Arriving in darkness, fueled by light,
seeing a glimmer of “what needs to be”.
Aching with grace, guilt, and pure greed,
inspired by faith and lies we all breathe.

 


Joy that’s so strong, pain is perceived.
Craving your touch, as each night moves on.
Enduring and timeless, yet age does not pause;
Nor does the promise, of lovers, in song.

 


A separate heart, two eyes that meet;
A spirit connected that can’t bear to part.
I love you today, as I loved you back when
you woke me to…these wonders within.

 



 

Author notes

These were not meant to be perfect rhymes, as I've been toying with near rhyme and alliteration.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • aboomer silver member
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is beautiful in its depth of wording and emotion. I loved it all, but especially your first verse.
    Congrats. on the well-deserved trophies!


  • Rakerman1
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Listen you...if you dont stop beating me all the time I'm gonna stop entering contests you're in Seriously, you are one talented writer and worthy of every gold you win.

    Very well done and congrats!
    Roses Raker


    • trista gold member
      December 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL Shall I not enter a contest if I see you have an entry in already? Honestly...I don't think you have a thing to worry about, as you are a fantastic poet. I loved your poem in this contest. (Just haven't had a chance to properly comment yet.) Considering how little I've been able to write in the last months, prewrites are all I have to rely on.

      Thanks so much for your comment, it gave me a

      ~J.


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    December 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I wouls like to ask you to please not 5 star my comment, or comment me back in anyway.
    I am trying very hard not to find out who anyone is as of yet.

    I simply love your poem. I think it's because I can relate to such a powerful love as of this that you write of.
    Your piece made me remember that of a love gone by. That I still miss and in more ways then one, still love. Many things stood in our way. Yet maybe it was meant to be. Sorry but this is what your poem reminded me of.
    I would pick a favorite part, but I fell in love with every single word.
    Excellent job.

    Thanks so much for entering my contest and I wish you lots of luck.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce


  • PoetryDove
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hey

    I love toying with near rhymes...
    In our English class last year we had to do lots of stuff with poetry, and that's the first I had really understood what they were -- well, I've always known what they were...it's just that I now understand them better and how to and how not to use them now.

    Plus, who needs perfect rhymes anyways
    Near rhymes are a better way to go because # 1 they don't sound very forced.

    My favorite stanza is definitely the second one!

    Too scared to hope, too sure to leave,
    feeling a presence that leaps a pulse.
    Perplexed by paths we didn’t take,
    unable to bury mistakes‘ high price paid.

    I loved the way this one especially went together. I think that it's a beautiful part that I really really liked.

    Great!
    Much love frome your AP Daughter,
    ::.. Poetrydove ..::



  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think there is so much said in this piece.
    Each line flows with touching meaning.
    I am not sure about others, but I can always find hope in anything. It is written all over this magnificent piece of poetry.
    I think I'll out do Rick this time and say that it is excellent X3.
    I can even say that I can relate to just about every part of this lovely writing.
    I have no favorite part, because I can find parts of me in every line.

    Loveandbleessings2u & yours always
    Love Ya,
    Joyce


    • trista gold member
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Joyce,

      Thank you so much for the "excellent X3" ! The more I read this one, the better I like it. I'm glad you could relate as well.

      Love and s
      ~J.


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent x2

    A separate heart, two eyes that meet;
    A spirit connected that can’t bear to part.
    I love you today, as I loved you back when
    you woke me to…these wonders within.

    Love the clear passion in this
    Some love is almost imortial, within us

    Just Beautiful


    Rick


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    I love reading poem that I feel so connected to it as if you took the words right out of my mouth it is amazing to me that complete strangers that have never talked have the same feelings and the same thoughts and there are so many of us but on the other hand there so many people that would not connect to this poem that also confuses me, this is no doubt one of my favorite poems bravo and God bless


    • trista gold member
      November 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment on my poem, "Within My Soul, You Live". I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer back. What you said... "it is amazing to me that complete strangers that have never talked have the same feelings and the same thoughts". So often in love, it's hard (for me, at least) to believe anyone else could possibly feel the same way about another person as I do. Yet from the poetry I read, I know this kind of love happens to others. And knowing that gives me a lot of hope.

      Thank you again for reading, commenting, and the applause!

      ~J.


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Reading the comments below, I don't know where hope came from - but lol, I don't see it.
    I'd say more longing than hope - like a statement of what you feel...
    This is good, not your best, but good. The content is always something deep from you - it's just that the perfect rhyme and then near rhyme and then no rhyme clashes together. But if you read it again as if it was meant to be free verse, it sounds pretty good.

    Take care
    Never ♥


    • trista gold member
      October 31, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      I always appreciate your honest reviews. No, definitely not my best, but one I hope to refine over time.

      I think there's a touch of hope in this, but longing is another good word to describe it. Mostly...I was feeling temporarily at peace with everything. I'm pretty sure that won't last for long.

      Glad you stopped by to read.

      s
      ~J.


  • Endeavor gold member
    October 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good


    A separate heart, two eyes that meet;
    A spirit connected that can’t bear to part.
    I love you today, as I loved you back when
    you woke me to…these wonders within.

    Hi Trista
    Nice to see words from you again
    This is quite nice poetically
    Pressing emotionaly

    Love Rick



  • michellemybelle gold member
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    just lovely
    the near rhyme adds a softness to this
    when true love is born or maybe it is when soul mates meet, a new spirit is born that continues to live within
    I love this write!
    love, Michelle


  • Ithica silver member
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really beautiful. You capture so many emotions that are experiened in love that may be rooted in lust. But definately charged with passion. It would be heavenly if love like this lasted a lifetime. Good luck with your entry...


    • trista gold member
      October 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I'm a firm believer that love like this does last a lifetime...I can let you know for sure right after I die, but I'm 99% positive at this point.

      Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and the applause.

      ~J.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I really like the near rhyme and you've done it wonderfully in this piece.

    This poem felt very graceful and flowed beautifully... rang of hope also!


    • trista gold member
      October 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hope??? OMG, what's happening to me???!!!

      Seriously...thank you for the lovely comment and applause.


      • kiwigirljacks gold member
        October 31, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        hahaha... coming into the light out of the dark a little maybe? Hope you are having some light in your life!!

        You're welcome... I love your poetry!

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