I long to bed you in eternity
under a blanket of stars-
obtuse passion overriding frigid dignity.
Two hearts that now beat as one
have become oblivious to sad silence.
We are caught on the wings of sensation
aching to find reality in our mutual preoccupation
Daring time to replace the lies
with the invisible phantom of truth,
slowly revealing to ourselves
in the glow of a petal soft moon;
the colors of our union dance
like rainbows around the room...
Our bodies entwined, the lovers tryst
collapses into the sweetest contentment
And everything that is of this world
but us,
ceases to exist
Author notes
Silver and Gold...
A contest entry
- Semi Quickie - Do you have a naughty muse? by KayJay.
900 points, ended April 18, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I like this because it has mature subject matter handled in a mature rather than crude way. The meanings are clear but it shouldn’t embarrass anyone.
Favorite lines:
“Daring time to replace the lies
with the invisible phantom of truth”
Worthy of the gold.
. Rewarded 6
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I find your words both beautiful and touching. You handled the sensual parts with a lovers touch and I find this to be a wonderful capture on the picture...
I'll reserve final judgement for Friday but wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your entry.
Ken
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Beautiful! That had such soft feelings of sensuality and love... your imagery is fab too! Good luck.. this is wonderful!
. Rewarded 4
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Transcend All
I was so angry ( if you read my neighbor piece you'd understand the why's. He's a hateful man, mean spiteful ! But as I began reading your piece I could feel the anger leaving little by little. I saw two lovers appear on your canvas with such passion for their love. Lost in a moment of blissful truth - their love transcends all things, entwined forever in a place where all thing cease. Beautifully done! And thanks for bringing back to my meditative place of being.
Namaste'
. Rewarded 8
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"Invisible Phantom of truth" This so original, and powerful, nice write.
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Fantastic, Stupendous, Magnificient. Can you tell I like this poem. I can't say enough about these words.
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Wow! my breath was taken by this poem! I read it aloud and it crooned in such a lovely way into my soul.
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Amazing write, thank you for sharing.
Can't pick a favorite line exactly, they are all spectacular. Thank you for sharing and making me speechless.
~katiebird
. Rewarded 4
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Really good, thaks for a great write. My favourite line is "in the glow of a petal soft moon".
Good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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This is true to the heart - there will always be those moments in out lives where the only thing we can see is what is right in front of us. I long for moments such as those, where the world is like a scenery behind you fading away and only yourself and your passion are visible. Beautifully written, silver very well earned!
Sabrina
. Rewarded 6
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A mature poem that is well-developed . . . much different than your other poems posted. Absolutely a beatuiful opening - a real attention getter. Congrats on the silver for your contest.
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Great job on winning the silver trophy with this piece, while I admit that I didnt read alot of the other entries I know you deserved it!!
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Congratulations on the silver in this contest. From all the comments one can see they love it- sentiments well expressed - easy to read and understand, sensual and heartfelt- way to go!
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Amazing
Our bodies entwined, the lovers tryst,
collapses into the sweetest contentment.
And everything, that is of this world,
but us,
ceases to exist.
Wonderfull crafting of words
Your gift showes well in this
For the 98th time in 12,051 comments, I say the word Amazing
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this is beautiful! I love how you wrote this! this did take my breath away... just... wow. I love it. keep up your amazing work!!!!!
Shadow -
Beautifully wriiten. I love the way you wrote this poem it sort of speaks for it's self.
Love the title too. I love how you wrote every feeling and put real emotion into it. -
beautiful.
I love the smooth smooth flow of words here. Your use of adjectives are quite impressive and judicious at the same time. All the images speak volumes. I loved this line -
Obtuse passion overriding frigid dignity
congrats and best regards.
. Rewarded 4
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beautiful!
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I wish this moment would last forever
When I read this earlier the power cut. I lost my comment when my PC crashed. Speaking of power … this piece is filled with powerful passionate female sensuality from beginning to end. Although eternity would be a longer bedding than even you probably want … your words come across with amazing clarity in describing the womanly longing for perpetual fullness … to stop still that moment of feeling fulfilled … to keep the clock there, forever. I’ve heard a woman say … “I wish this moment would last forever.” That’s about the most gratifying thing a man can hear; even though to me the idea of ever really fulfilling all of a woman’s emotional needs seems a little like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a teaspoon (smile). Great work and thank you very much for sharing it. Love, Sultan.
. Rewarded 8
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As the contest asked for, you took my breath away. I love this! You have fluidly woven a love poem that is filled with motion and passion. O to have a lover that would feel that way about me. This is outstanding!
Love,
Amera♥
. Rewarded 4
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Truley Romantic and Sensul piece my friend. I found myself almost ready to blush. I loved the colorful images of love you created with your beautiful words. And the rhyme was great. I loved it from start to finish... Good luck in the contest.
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Wow, this is lovely. When two people can become so wrapped up in each other that the rest of the world no longer exists, it's a beautiful thing indeed.
Good luck in the conttest!
~J.
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent
It flows perfectly and makes perfect sense. Good use of language, and it wasn't forced or pretentious. I could really feel the passion when I read the poem. Incredible...
. Rewarded 4
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Beautiful job of the way we move from fear to yielding our pretenses, from there we begin to explore the intimacy we share and finally the celebration of all that we have together and the idea of love as a shared energy. Really like the way you brought this through the dance and illuminated it so well at the same time. Very Good.
Love Tom B.
. Rewarded 6
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WOW this was a great write.
Excellent entry in the contest
Best of luck to you
Delila
. Rewarded 4
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WOW! This certainly took my breath away! This is a stunning, passionate piece that moves like a dance. The delicate rhyme, sweeping imagery, everything was just great! Bravo, and best of luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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