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dream vacation

sandwiched
between city below
and city above
in shrinking
life zone of
pale smog
and eggshell blue
water-sky

squinting against brilliance
of blazing sun above,
dazzling sunspot below

a world
entirely exposed
to view,
both of us choking
on our wastes


oh! for a cool, mossy,
deep shaded pool!


Author notes

Picture prompt, please see contest main page for pic.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Tarja
    November 9, 2007

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    Yes! I love it! You obviously have a wild imagination to come up with such brilliant imagery and word choice. This was just fantastic. I really enjoyed it! Cat must be crazy!


    • Mirthryl
      November 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Tarja, for your comment and clappies! I was just so taken by the reflection of the city, upside down, in the fishbowl water! *glub, glub*


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Once I looked at the pic this made perfect sense. A great take on the prompt- you nail it here. What looks like a nice spot for a fish is hell. "both of us choking on our wastes- perfect!

    My husband always feels sorry for fish in little fishbowls.


  • TwilightDazzles
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great take on the prompt, I love your language and the imagery. "Both of us choking on our wastes" That is a powerful line, it really says a lot. Thanks for sharing and best wishes

    • Mirthryl
      October 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, CascadingSakura, for taking the time to read and comment, and for the clappies! Best wishes to you as well


  • Cat
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    seems like a nice little world until you realize that is all there is.. you've done a nice job with the prompt- thanks so much.

    m


  • 2lullabyhaven
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love it, hope it does well in the contestlol


    • Mirthryl
      October 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for stopping by to read and comment! I'm pleased you liked it


  • grannyeri gold member
    October 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the ending to this one - both sides want something better, but on cannot do anything about it, and the other side does not try to hard to change.

    • Mirthryl
      October 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, grannyeri, for commenting. Yes, both sides do wish for something better, but one is powerless, and the other so preoccupied, or unmotivated to change...*sigh*

1 - 10 of 10