Posting thoughts on the shelf of reality.
Heirlooms stare at passing bystanders.
Memories feel sultry as the air fills with humidity.
Wondering, hoping I reside in the mind of others
Placing tears in the jars of my ancestry
forgoing the pain spent on secrecy.
Banished yet shuttled through history
by the guardians of emotions so coy
Yes these tears shed freely from fears
of discovery of these feelings so aloof
Masking sections of inadequacies of self
of this elusive secrecy from my peers
Brought on by this Freudian recollection
Reclaiming these memories of affection
Of a love of an unborn existence
That no one, in my life took a stance
Alone I remembered,
alone I regret
Samples of the departed ,
still trying to forget
Author notes
This was my first attempt at half ryhme or slant rhyme.
It contains to new techniques I have not ever heard of called "assonance" and "consonance". It also uses a little alliteration as well.
I used all three. See if you can catch it within the topic I have choosen. It reads differently when you look for the style. But I believe it doesn't hurt the message.
Half rhyme, sometimes called slant, sprung or near rhyme is consonance on the final consonants of the words involved. Many half rhymes are also eye rhymes. It is widely used in Irish, Scottish, Welsh, and Icelandic verse. Some examples are ill and shell and also dropped and wept.
The first English poet to use half rhyme was Henry Vaughan, [citation needed] but it was not until it was used in the works of W. B. Yeats and Gerard Manley Hopkins that half rhyme became popular among English-language poets. In the 20th century half-rhyme has been used widely by English poets. Often, as in most of Yeats's poems, it is mixed with other devices such as regular rhymes, assonance, and para-rhymes.
Assonance is the repetition of vowel sounds in non-rhyming words, for example "Do you like blue?". Here the "oo" sound is repeated within the sentence. Assonance includes but is not limited to alliteration with vowel sounds.
Consonance is a stylistic device, often used in poetry. Repetition of two or more consonants using different vowels, for example, the "i" and "a" followed by the "tter" sound in "pitter patter." It repeats the consonant sounds but not vowel sounds. This is not to be confused with Assonance. Assonance is the repetition of only vowel sounds. Alliteration differs from consonance insofar as alliteration requires the repeated consonant sound to be at the beginning of each word, where in consonance it is anywhere within the word, although often at the end. In half rhyme, the terminal consonant sound is repeated. A special species of consonance is using a series of sibilant sounds (/s/ and /sh/ for example); this is sometimes known simply as sibilance.
In a list
A contest entry
- slant rhyme/half rhyme by ellipsist.
600 points, ended November 18, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain or Love by XxESPNCHICKxX.
600 points, ended January 13, 2008, 82 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This is new to me but I thought it was a challange
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
very well done!
this is was your first attempt...
dang!
now i'm green with envy!
that's was beautiful to read and so heart piercing!
well done
ears/Seattle thankyou for the lesson too!
-
awesome job with the combination of everything
Tasha
-
You did well with the assonance and consonance here, they are popular forms of poetic device and used well, can add much impact to a piece. Alliteration is my all time favourite and can sometimes be used too much, but you caught the perfect balance here Thanks for sharing and congrats on your Silver trophy. La x
-
Congrats on your silver.You are a very talented writer.
-
-
LOL thx again. this was hard to put together and a new way of forming my whole thought. mykeeee
-
-
excellent utilization of slant/half rhyme... I see you've done your research and I appreciate that... it's paid off... quite impressive, especially for a first attempt... very well executed/composed indeed!
makes me wanna gush, this one does! trying so hard to resist... I hope you found this a useful tool and continue to utilize it in future pieces as you seem to have a real knack for it!
-
Indeed my friend
this was different, but you are a Man who can and have accomplished many difficult tasks in form poetry. Wonderful topic, and deeply embedded thoughts on this. Excellent imagery...sorry it took me so long, as I am catching up with my reading. Nevertheless I really enjoyed this by you and look forward to many more in your journey.
CC
-
Excellent
You have doen a great here writing this poem, you have used a different sytle here, I don't know if I could accomplish. But the poem over all is excellent, thoughts of dreams, sexual desires running through your mind that you have been afraid to express, excellent job my friend on this poem, and please feel free to speak openly with me. Thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
-
Excellent Write
Beautiful form done here, full of sad thoughts, metaphors worked it! My heart bleed for that unborn child, the haunting of her choice was awesome writing.....Memeories are some very powerful medicine to take.....Write on...Mom
-
-
Sort of unborn affections never realized but inpregnanted by my thoughts and feeling for them. I'm so full of metaphors that I run over them sometimes. Thank ya mom. This was kind of hard to write and use the different forms
Yr son - Mykeee
-
-
This is a beautiful poem in the midst of being so sad. You expressed the emotion wonderfully, and kudos for experiementing with forms unfamiliar.
-
-
Thank you - I wanted to know if I can do it but not sure if the technique was used properly or if the technique was forced. I hate to do that. I just wished the technique was not even noticed unless I actually identified it.
-
-
A difficult topic,the poet chose not to traumatize but to portray the pain poetically.
Liked the examples given of assonance and conosance,these devices do aid all forms to have their own rhythm without conforming to a set rhythm.
-
-
You are so technical sometimes. I love it. Your words are always on point. I tried to pull the graphic, traumatic and visuals far to the left of the poetic prose. the subject was difficult so I felt the form had to be as well.
For those who weren't aware(like me) I needed to add the assonance and consonance examples to close it out. Thank you Yvette.
-
-
This whole write was astounding. You did very well with slant rhyme, "Alone I remembered, Alone I regret" I love those two lines. I wish you the best in the contest you entered
-
-
Thank you. it really was odd how it came out. Thank you for your kind words. ~ Mykeeee
-
-
Alone I remembered,
alone I regret
Samples of the departed ,
still trying to forget... This stanza was capturing!
This was very good and unique thinking from a man's point of view being that males don't have to go through the acutal process. But it still affects men. And sometimes that is often forgotten. Good job and good luck.
-
-
we all experience loss in our own way. Most men are actually taught not to express these types of emotions. When memories pop up and family ignores what occured. You stand alone with these thoughts. Thank you for understanding. It was a difficult subject so i wanted to use a difficult technique. Mykeee
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
