“You”
is just a shadow word
I use to fill my
dark corners with
Earl Grey fingers,
mango tongues, and
chocolate skies.
I wonder sometimes
why cattails follow “You”
and why there are so many
wombs of small round children.
“You” shades these
vases of kisses
and small cold navels,
even your fractured eyes
and my wine-bottle curves.
You, the true one,
are still sighing apples
and walking in front of
some distant future sun,
leaving a silhouette
the size of my thumbnail
on my waiting breast.
I refuse to apologize
for writing you as the villain
before it has happened;
you can keep your
sugared lips and
Escher’s birds and fish,
and I’ll keep my evidence
of dark and light.
Author notes
When did I become a cynic?
Please critique honestly.
A contest entry
- Night and Day by Princess Perdue.
1000 points, ended October 31, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I really enjoyed this write! Love the imagery and what a lovely way to voice your scorn
I was grinning when reading this. Wish I could have written this to my ex...lol
Thanks for sharing and well done!
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Glad you liked this! I kind of used it as an excuse to play with imagery.
Thanks for reading!
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i love the imagary, it made for simply wonderful write
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Thanks!
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Simply amazing.
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Thank you!
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this is incredible. the imagery is really something else, the silhouette the size of a thumbnail on your breast i just love. wonderful, i am immediately addin you to my favourites.
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Wow, I'm glad you liked it so much! Thanks!
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I love the imagery in this poem and the use of food and taste instead of just the usual senses
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Thanks!
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Wow!
This is priceless. I really enjoyed the imagery and emotion this work of art has generated in my mind. Great Job! ~Gar -
I just read this three times over. I think it is very original. I adore the last stanza. That is my honest critique!I am glad this won a gold. There is nothing wrong with looking through cynical eyes every so often. It gives perspective no?
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Perspective, yes...as long as it doesn't become too bitter!
Thanks for your comments - I appreciate them!
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Yeah, a good read the second time 'round as well. You have such a unique way with words that still makes sense when put together. I like the thought of chocolate skies...I'd become an astronaut...lol. Beautiful as always sweet lady.
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It so does not even almost surprise me that this won gold...it's so amazing, and you show just enough detail to let us paint our own picture and be sure we get what you mean without just telling us the story. The last paragraph is my favorite...especially the ending: "And I'll keep my evidence of dark and light." Adieu, my sister, adieu. Twilight
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I'm glad you like it - I think the last stanza is my favorite as well! Thanks!
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We all become a cynic at some point. I have no critical advice on this one. I enjoy your way with words.
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I have a friend who once called me an optimistic cynic...I'm pretty sure that's accurate lol. Thanks, as always.
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This is a wonderful poem. Loved it from beginning to end. You have such a fresh voice - even though this one has an edge to it.... good question you're asking in your author's comments but the poem reflects the answer back.. so much in one single word "you" . I loved the line "sighing apples" - beautiful!
~ Nicolette
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This is totally outstanding to say the least, I went over this a few times and met new faces and voices at each corner ....and was still left pondering over its unique contents. Very thought provoking...I was going to close this contest one hour ago, I'm so glad I didn't. Thank you so much for this wonderful entry into my contest and good luck. Please do not answer my comments as I don't need to know who you are. Thank you.
Shaz xx
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Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed my piece. Great contest - thanks for hosting!
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