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Ill Fated Hope

I didn't know it would hurt so bad
Hope is a gamble, difficult to accept
How was I supposed to know?

Gambling emotions with ill-fated hope
Trickery, the devil's tool, stabs me once again.
Last breaths cause unyielding suspension
Who was I to hope for the best?

Blackend sorrow swallowed in the depths
Inevitable death give sight to the blind.
Bitter sweet memories overwhelmed by guilt
Why couldn't I save her?

Stench of the deparded lingers within
Reminding souls of past life.
Lighting fades for her.
How could I have changed it?

Life, Life, Life, DEATH.
Light, Light, Light, DARK.
This enigma chills my bones and freezes my heart.

Author notes

A loved one dies. This is all that came out of it.

(2.) Something Dark or Painful

A contest entry

Cmmt whatever you see fit.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • bananasfoster42
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great poem. thanks for the entry!


  • Angelflower
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really interesting and dark true.. Umm, but I noticed that there was no "home made" background? And thats what this contest was about.. um,just thought that I would give you a heads up.. He's looking for dark backgrounds...
    Best of luck though.

    Angel


  • DeadlyTurnip
    March 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. I liked the gambling thing a lot and the "Life, Life, Life, DEATH.
    Light, Light, Light, DARK." was very powerful and a nice use of an anology. The second stanza was my favorite though

    Very good read.


  • Great Cthulhu
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful!

    I'm glad you were able to express the loss. I would like to see a more complete proofread. You've crafted a sad poem with powerful images of loss and death. Keep your pen to the page! Thanks for entering!

  • eclestimon
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Twisting my stomach more than Viper

    Wow...that was just so...wow. It chilled me as I read it. I felt as cold as the words said to be. It was just...it made me scared and cold...which I think came out beautufully. A poem should be like an emotional rollercoaster, carrying you up and down, scaring you with the twists, then the feeling still within you as you leave it behind. This was just that. It's great.

  • BlankSillhouette
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...
    thanks for this.
    It was amazing. I loved this write, and you should win many contests with it. The light and dark evaluations were well thought out
    great job
    good luck
    and best wishes

    XBlankSillhouetteX


  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful piece, dark and sad. Good luck in your contests


  • Barry Hodges
    January 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A grammatical error in line one. I stopped reading at that point.


    • BigE
      January 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, well thanks for helping me figure out what it was... I still see no error. Maybe you can point it out.


  • Aventura
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I didn't know it would hurt so bad"?
    How bout, The gamble of hope gave me no warning
    of the pain in my path" or something? Give me MORE.

    This poem is all round boring. Simple and plain, with almost no imagery and no emotion. I know it's there, but you didn't drag it up to the surface


    • BigE
      January 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the idea, but I'm probably not going to change it. I just wanted to keep it the way it is.


  • my--i u--k i
    January 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice personification; FRICKING AMAZING LAST LINE


  • Walk-Free
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A great poem describing the feelings of losing someone you love.

    "Life, Life, Life, DEATH.
    Light, Light, Light, DARK.
    This enigma chills my bones and freezes my heart."

    Brilliant.

    Thsnk you for your entry

  • trace3grls
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great write


  • Ithica silver member
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Death is so ugly and the death of a loved one often leaves the survivors wracked with guilt. You have created a dark and sorrowful testimony to that fact. The imagery is heartbreaking. I hope time will ease the ache and thaw this heart. It would be senseless to compound the tragedy. Keep writting it will lessen these burdens...

1 - 15 of 15