It was once my world.
I stood at the brink of excitement
waiting to step,
breathing in,
getting wet
...it was mine.
There were ideals then.
I supported my congressman,
campaigned for my party,
met mentors -
and lovers
... and dreamed.
My vision was clear as the waters ran rusted.
How much I knew then,
how little I know today...
Her dimpled smile beams innocent
learning new math,
discovering the beauty of music,
unhampered by financial woes and party politics.
She picks maple leaves
fall-laced with corroded colors left from acid rain.
They make a pretty pattern
dipped in paint,
imprinted on paper,
hung on Grandma's refrigerator.
How little she sees now,
how much she will be made to endure...
My course is set
that she may stand on the brink of excitement,
breathe in,
get wet,
...and dream
of sand beaches and tall castles;
pillars strong with moats of saline life.
This is still my world - for her.
The nuclear plant warms the bay waters.
They say the fishing is best there.
Copyright © 2007
Pamela A. Lamppa
(All Rights Reserved)
A contest entry
- Poetry Challenge Round 2 - INVITE ONLY by Laura Lamarca.
850 points, ended November 7, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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wow~! Simply in aww~ Congrats on Gold, truly deserved.
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DwellingInDarkness
Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them so much.
~Pamela 
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nice to see the gold here. I tried but just couldn't match this. pure excellence
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Ken
Thank you! I didn't even realize the contest was over until I saw the HM on your piece. Thank you for your continued support. You know how much it means to me. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Wow what an excellent write this is. It speaks volumns about the condition of our future. Nicely done. Wonderful images and descriptions. Thanks for sharing it and congrats on the well deserved gold for this write.
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ckwriter69
Thank you so much for your continued support and wonderful words of praise. I appreciate it very much. ~Pamela
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Amazing. I have nothing to offer that could do this justice, other than to offer grateful praise that it was granted the Gold - as it should have been.
I just loved how you stretched this metaphor generationally. Sublimely done.
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EvilKate
Thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful comment. I appreciate it so much. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Wow, I'm amazed
And yes, I live by the Chesapeake Bay, and yes, fishing is good there. But they tell you not to eat more than an ounce a year. Hmmm...
Great flow and what a punch at the end.
I am humbled... -
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mborda
Thank you so much. I am pleased this made an impact. ~Pamela
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this was fantastic!!!!!!!
I love what you have done with your prompt
Best of luck to you in the contest
delila
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delila
Thank you so much. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. ~Pamela
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Rubric Grade A+ (97%)
Initial Impact/Reaction 10/10
Originality 9/10
Creativity 10/10
Line-breaks/emphasis/flow 10/10
Poetic device/verbiage 10/10
Ideas/metaphors/imagery 10/10
Cohesion 10/10
Understandable/makes sense 10/10
Overall poetic effort 4/5
Emotion/personality/edge 4/5
Last impact/reaction 10/10
Your final score will be given when we judge. Please don't edit this piece until after contest closes. Thanks. La x
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Laura
Thank you so much for the gold in this round. Truly, I am stunned and thrilled at the same time. Wow. Thank you. ~Pam
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to quote an old cliche .. fist in a velvet glove, I think you have nailed this prompt firmly into the minds of anyone who reads this, take out a few lines and this becomes a great poem about nature and growing up, but those few lines pack such a punch that I sit here going ouch with each hit.
Has to be a 10 -
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Colin Marschall
Thank you so much for for the gold in this round. Wow. I am stunned. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Colin Marschall
Thank you for leaving your impressions on this piece. I am so pleased it had an impact. Thank you. ~Pamela
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WOW. Again.
this is , if it is possible, endering and chilling at the same time - pure perfection. I must write to a higher bar
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Ken
Thank you so much. I am glad this had an impact and am so pleased for your comment. Thanks so much. ~Pamela
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"She picks maple leaves
fall-laced with corroded colors left from acid rain."
"First Impression" score of 10. This made me sit up and take notice. I have no suggestions for improvement...I'd personally shorten some of those lines...but that's just my preference. This is just fine as it is with some excellent imagery. I'll be back in 4 days with a rubric grade for this piece...so very well done indeed.
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Laura
Thank you. I will take a peek at line length and see if I can terse it up some. I am glad you were pleased. Thank you. ~Pamela
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Your title is "It's Our World, It's Our Future" Welcome to Round 2
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