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A TaNgLeD MiNd

The killer’s inside, my mind is locked
Her voice gets louder and my control is blocked
Psychosis begins and in the mirror a fallen angel gives a smirk
She’s in my mind and her face and voice will always lurk
The cries of a girl that died so long ago
Her tears are something I will always know
She’s a beautiful, weak, fallen angel maybe 23 years old
It’s her voice that surrounds me, and into me she molds  
The representation of the past is in her tears and voice
I can’t control it, she takes over my feelings without a choice
She is the part of me that was weak and I tried to kill
I wear her scar and when I hear her voice I always get the chills

She’s the poison that controls and eats my mind
My thoughts become weak as she intertwined
A mind of insanity
Unable to tell what’s fake from reality
From hallucinations to time, I have no clue
Memory loss is a part of it too
A fear to sleep with a schizophrenic mind

Outside my door the black winged angels are all I can find

Author notes

THIS IS ABOUT MY LIFE DEALING WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 17, 2008

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    This gave me a good insight into the condition. Although my mum suffers with Bi~polar, amongst other things I have never really comprehended it. An inspiring piece, very well penned. Good luck in the contest


  • AutumnsFlame
    January 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm.... this poem was pretty good... it could use some work, but still pretty good. There was a bit of forced rhyme, and the flow was broken in some places... it seemed like more of a short little story rather than a poem... Yeah, mental illness sucks. I know. I've been there. Thank you for entering my contest!


  • Simply Simple
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely loved this poem. It was well thought out and I liked the way you were talking about it. I have to crituques other than please add your author name somewhere. ^.^


  • loves toy
    November 30, 2007
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    i LOVE it

    i think that it is wonderful i can totally understand the feelings told here. keep it up!


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    November 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa...

    What a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions! I can relate to everything you wrote here so well, even though I'm not schizophrenic (I'm bipolar). It got a little scary when you said she was 23 years old because I'm 23 and this reminded me so much of me it sent chills up and down my spine.
    Beautiful. Dark. Poignant.
    I hope you are learning to live with your illness well. I'm trying to live with mine.
    If you ever need to talk, I'm here!!!


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What interests me is you describe a persona that takes over. The final 5 lines seem to leave that persona behind, and the poem starts to "tell" rather than "show" insanity.

    I think if you remove these two lines the poem will be stronger. You already show us the hallucinations, and stating the memory loss hurts the poem's flow:

    "From hallucinations to time, I have no clue
    Memory loss is a part of it too"

    I wish you all the best in managing your illness.

  • xTomorrowx
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, it's a wonderfully written poem, you did a great job of writing this, I believe you should be very proud of this poem
    Thanks heaps for entering and good luck in my contest! =)
    Preliminary finalist =)


  • leslielovesthomas
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love it! Thank you for entering and good luck!

    Leslie


  • Clinging-to-Life
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was an amazing write....I cannot say that I relate to this poem, because I have Bi-polar. But the emotion and the story u reveal to me is so vivid and pure. Thank you for entering


  • ninchick08
    October 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow, very descriptive, seems like a story but its poetry!


  • Amber Lee
    October 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WoW!Awesome write!

  • Monster8Ness
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is beautiful.

1 - 12 of 12