She walks with crystals of betrayal
Her limbs are weak, her skin is pale
But in her hands, these rocks will stay
And underneath the moon, she'll lay
Beautifully damaged, she's in distress
Dark rainclouds, dripping from her dress
Ignoring all the ticking clocks,
And she would rather kiss her rocks
She won't look back on what we were,
She only sees what's pure to her
Addiction, fatal and denied
She hid her crystal, then she lied
Still, "Glory to the rock" she sings
While tattering her angel wings
White as snow just like her skin
It burns her lips and soul within
Hypnotic stones that make me cry
A force that does much more than I
A devil's story then begins
Every time the crystal wins
And I can't stop it, I can't speak
A simple touch is what I seek
But rocks deny my only love:
To sleep next to her in the heavens above
She doesn't care, nor does she see
The damage that it does to me
When she waits for tragic shock
She only runs back to her rock
And "Glory to the rock" she sings
While tattering her angel wings
Her heart will die, those wings won't fly
Inside this deadly lullaby
Author notes
October 29, 2007.... This poem is about my girlfriend doing crack... that's what "the rock" is referring to. I love her to death, but I really wish she would let go of her drugs.
A contest entry
- Tell me what you're feeling! by Midoriko.
600 points, ended November 3, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Rhyming by leslielovesthomas.
300 points, ended November 2, 2007, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One Whole Year: Collection Point D by She Has My Heart.
600 points, ended November 13, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your absolute BEST! IMPRESS ME! by AlwaysbeBIG.
525 points, ended January 25, 34 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 76 of 76
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awww this makes me feel really sad
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Amazing flow. Only this:
To sleep next to her in the heavens above
- well, I feel that it went out of flow for a bit compared to the rest of the poem.
Other than that, really good.
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"And she would rather kiss her rocks"
Addiction is like falling in love. Many times have women fallen in love with guys who treat them badly - cheat on them, beats them, verbally abuses them - and still they stay because they're "in love".
Neither is "true" love, it's simply fear that feels like love, but until she sees that she will keep kissing her rocks.
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Beautifully written and enchanting poem! Lovely imagery and brilliant thoughts. Loved these lines most
"Beautifully damaged, she's in distress
Dark rainclouds, dripping from her dress
Ignoring all the ticking clocks,
And she would rather kiss her rocks"
Thank you for your lovely entry & best of luck
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L6 I'd remove the comma after "rainclouds"...a breath isnt needed there.
L24, a rewording of that line would sort out a slight rhythm issue there, I'd suggest an 8 syllable count there to coincide with the rest of the piece.
The language here is simplistic, yet the emotions are profound. A good narrative here and for the most part, the rhythm is very good.
Thanks for entering and congrats on the amount of applause this piece has received.
La x
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I also just want to say that I am so sorry you are dealing with such pain and I truly hope she gets free from such a horrible addiction.
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Wow!!
This poem was amazingly written. Even before I read the author notes, I could tell what it was about. You really bring across the pain of watching someone you love controlled by an adiction. The imagery was amazing too. As someone who comes from a past of loved ones on drugs, I really appreciate this poem. Amazingly done!!
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sweet heart, my heart aches for the love that is requited in this poem. I hurt for you and just want to hold you close so that you never feel this pain again. Hang in there hon... and know that you are thought of by more than you know.
sylvyrwyng
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I agree No explination was needed. Adiiction is a painfull experiance for everyone who comes in contact with it, Your life will be forever changed no matter the out come of your relationship. I pray you have the strenght to over come with out subcomming.
BTW< exellent poem, well versed great floe, true talent!
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No explanation is really needed for this poem. The message and words were very fluid. I enjoyed your poem and only hope that your friend got the message.
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Having been with an addict for many years, I can relate to much of this poem
I don't understand the hold that drugs have on people; all they seem to do is waste lives and destroy relationships
A powerful piece, for sure! Thank you for sharing! -
Amazing.
Hello. I actually knew what you were talking about before I read your authors notes....too many of my friends have engaged in those types of drugs (though I personally have never done so) and I have to say...I loved your poem. Sometimes letting someone read something about them, is stronger than any words you could ever say, or even "I love you."
Thank you for entering, and good luck in my contest
Brandon -
loved loved loved this
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Well done!
I do pray that your girlfriend stops doing crack for drugs only bring ruin to ones' life and there is so much of life to be actually LIVED and lived to capacity
Thank you very much for sharing! -
A Very Powerful Poem
This is a very powerful poem. Your words and the way you use them bring both beauty and the pain. A very difficult subject to write about, my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself. I wish you All Good Luck in the contest. All my best wishes from Rose xx
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this was simply marvelous, its beautiful! you have a true gift in the art of poetry, good luck in the contest (^.^)
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I can relate to a degree with an ex-boyfriend that I once had, I didn't know it at the time, but he was doing drugs. I will leave it at that. But I also had a friend that had a boyfriend that he knew was on drugs. They went through a lot, and eventually his boyfriend came to terms with the fact that he needed to leave the drugs behind or else it was going to mess up their relationship. He left for about a week, and then one night my friend ended up going to a nieghbor/friend's apartment where he found his boyfriend lying on the bed sweating and such. The friend helped my friend get his boyfriend back to his apartment where he helped him through detox cold turkey. As far as I know his boyfriend, now just a friend to him is still living sober. You have a long road to travel, and I hope that your girlfriend will wake up before it is too late. I just hope and pray that things don't get out of hand for the 2 of you. I really hope for the best for the both of you.
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Man! this was tough to not pick, a well orchestrated piece, modern but timeless.
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'And "Glory to the rock" she sings
While tattering her angel wings
Her heart will die, those wings won't fly
Inside this deadly lullaby'
Nicely penned
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Thanks for entering: I will comment at the end of the contest.
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brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant , loved every last line of this poem thanks for entering (REALLY!!)
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I can't express how much i love this...it's more than brilliant
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I really have no idea what to say. Great write. sorry to hear about your girl.
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Well I've already commented this, so you know I already love it (no surprise really as I love all your work). Congratulations on the Gold and Silver, they are very well deserved. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest
Take care x -
Wow! So sad! I'm sorry to hear that and I hope she stops. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Leslie
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very nicely written poem. I really like the fourth staza. the rhymed couplets are very nice too!
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Nicely Penned
Very well done. Love the rhyming. Evaluate "your" desires against the dangers. Why do "You" want someone hung up in "rock"? Try to be honest with yourself and try to distance yourself from it. Good Luck!
. Rewarded 4
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amazing
your poem inspired my name..hehe.
Love everything about it.
You are such a good writer. -
awsome
i ove your poem so awsome and i lov it
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Very moving and well written.....Wish you both lots of luck in overcoming the addictions being faced...
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A beaytiful piece, whit all it's sadness. You make me feel it, I can sence the desperation, the frustration. The wish that something is gonna change, so that she can see what really matters. It's well written, and the wording works so well. The ending fits so well with the rest of the piece, first the repetition, and the line with the lullaby. It's a piece that will make people think, and I also belive that it can help people!
. Rewarded 8
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Masterfully done!
You've really nailed down the lid on this addiction. My only suggestion is to point to the ending of the 6th verse, which seems awkward compared to the perfect flow in the rest of your poem. I loved your rhymes and meter, as well as visionary metaphors.
You've got to let her go until she gets clean, if you want my advise. Stay friends if you can, but let her know that she must choose. It might bring her out of it, but the important thing is to stick to your standards abobe ALL ELSE! Hard drugs, including coke, meth, and heroin, are the surest folly that one can take up. You have my sympathy and support, please write to me if you need to discuss your situation.
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unfortunely for you and for her it is very unlikely that she will willingly give her "rocks" up. it is a very horrific addiction that detroys all in its path. Do the both of you a favor and get her the help she needs before its to late. This poem was incredibly moving and so wonderfully written. I wish you the best of luck in life and in these contests.
. Rewarded 6
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This is amazingly done. It is so sad that your girlfriend is into that stuff. My friend recently started smoking cigarettes and pot. It's hard to watch someone you love do such stupid and painful things. I hope she can let go, and than my friend can too.
There is hope.
~katiebird -
very nice. good luck.
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Crystals of betrayal <-- amazing, as are many more lines in this poem. Man...I really hope you can convince her to stop before she does serious damage...
In the second stanza I was wondering if Beautifully broken would be better than beautifully damaged, it flows a bit better to me and has that alliterative quality...just a thought. But then I guess she is not entirely broken, just damaging herself. I'll be quiet now.
Still, "Glory to the rock" she sings
While tattering her angel wings
White as snow just like her skin
It burns her lips and soul within
Blimey heck that is a good stanza. Tattering her angels wings...my, this is a beautiful and sad piece. You are definitely one of my favourite poets ^^
The last stanza is pretty damn perfect too
Great job, good luck in the contests. Take care and keep up the good work x
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I've never had a loved one who has done drugs...but I do have very close friends that continue to use drugs. This hit me hard, I also hope that my friends can pull themselves away from these drugs and hopefully live a healthier and longer life.
. Rewarded 4
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This came straight from your heart and the vivid imagery you used, made it real. I can feel your pain from your words and because of it I want to cry.
. Rewarded 4
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beautiful, i can feel your pain,... feels like a short film on my head, and when you explain what is about i can tell you're a true poet, 'cause you managed to elevate reality to art... keep your heart where it is...may her love you to death too
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This is such a beautiful amazing poem! I love it!! So many powerful words used!!!!!, and used i so many ways, very creative and its almost as if you could feel every emotion, every feeling, every thought, as if it was happening to me, as if it was about me!! Very beautifully written as well, it almost seems as if it was flowing beautifully!! and very excellent!! I wouldnt change a thing on this it is too good! Very beautiful and very discriptive!! I love poetry with the raw feel and you know that this person really has writting this from their heart!!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
Kit
x x x
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if you want her to let go of the drugs and she wont willingly do so then force her by any lawful means necessary. sometimes loving someone means you gotta get tough. i'll pray that she give the drugs up but you still should take, for her sake. God be with you both. Amen!
. Rewarded 6
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wow
now that i know what the "rocks" are i totally get the message i have never been with anyone that is on drugs but my mom started when i was about 1 or 2 and has only been off for a few years now and im now 14 so i kind of know what you are going through and i think you are a wonderful poet and would love to read more of your poetry and i probably will i hope your g/f finds the right path off of drugs
*A`lee*
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"She walks with crystals of betrayal"
Seems like that's what every drug will do to u...somehow betrays you....lures you & entices but never making you happy forever & will turn against you, your family & friends.
sounded like your heart defintely spoke thru this. good luck in the contest!
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wow thats good
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Wow that was realy good! I am sorry for you and hopes she will stop too. but you did a good job
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'Ignoring all the ticking clocks,
And she would rather kiss her rocks'
'Addiction, fatal and denied'
'Hypnotic stones that make me cry'
'A force that does much more than I'
and great last stanza, it wraps it up well.
in all truth i LOVED this poem. it's beautiful. i love the way it flows, and how with saying so little it says so much. the only thing i would recommend is putting in puntuation to end the sentences. other than that it's lovely and i wouldn't change a thing about it.
congrats,
Candace
*sorry i rambled
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I loved this, the imagery was almost hypnotic. It was also quite obvious what the poem was about as a result of your skillful writing. The rhyming flowed well and the poem was full of emotion and despair. Good work, keep it up =]
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I understand how you are feeling. I've had experiences in the past where partners have done things I'm not so pleased about, but they never seem to see at the time how truly bad it is. Drugs do effect your better judgement too. Just be there for her and make sure she doesn't hurt herself under the influence and if you think it's too much of a preasure to be with her, then don't be, it's not your fault she's doing this stuff. Love the way you show how much you miss your time together with her and how she just lets the 'rock' take control.
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Wow.
You put in so many discriptive details and it was so well written. It had me wanting more and I could really imagine it in my mind. You really put a lot into this one. Nice job!
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wow
that was inredible, beutifully written
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well done
this poem can mean so much to different people - the 'rock' can be different vices we all have - but in essence its all the same - the things we cling to despite what harm they can bring - the imagery was fantastic - well done
. Rewarded 4
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This is amazing. Yous hould have her read this and maybe she will see that she shouldn't do this. I will be praying for her and for you.
. Rewarded 4
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Even though you provided an explanation in the author notes, this poem breaches out and could have different and deeper interpretations. I really like that.
"Ignoring all the ticking clocks,"
I love when a written poem makes me imagine and visualize different sounds or colors. It makes the poem so much more vivid!
The last stanza wraps up the poem nicely, getting the point across.
This is a very good piece. Thank you for sharing, and I hope everything gets better soon. I'll make a prayer for her tonight.
. Rewarded 8
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nice - i like the rhyme and meter, but the imagery doesn't click with me - bit too morose for my taste
you have talent, that much is clear... -
BREATHTAKING WORK
STUNNING WRITING HERE. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I LOVE THE RHYME, THE FLOW. IT IS QUITE DARK TOO. I LOVE THE RICHNESS OF THIS PIECE. IT IS JUST STUNNING!!!!
WONDERFUL WRITING MY FRIEND.
ALL THE BEST
WAYNE
. Rewarded 4
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I LOVE IT!
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This was a very good read. I enjoyed it very much. You painted a vivid picture here. I like the stanza
"Hypnotic stones that make me cry
A force that does much more than I
A devil's story then begins
Every time the crystal wins"
Well done! I'm going to bookmark this one.
Keep up the good writing.
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And "Glory to the rock" she sings
While tattering her angel wings
Her heart will die, those wings won't fly
Inside this deadly lullaby
I like this alot... i had a friend on drugs.. and in the end it killed him.. i have faith your girl will get off the drugs...she doesnt need those wings now.. what she needs she hope and help... -
Excellen write.
This poem is very good. You have good use of flow and beat. What a tragic poem. Drugs destroy. Need I say more?
. Rewarded 4
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Wonderfully Conveyed...
The words just totally rocked from your soul.
Lo-Amo
Rock on
Salute!!! -
Very well done. You captured this perfectly, and you had some absolutely wonderful imagery. Also your use of "the rock" to refer to her addiction was very creative. I can sympathize too, I have siblings that struggle with drug and alcohol abuse, sometimes I wonder if they ever really understand how painful it is for others to watch them destroy themselves.
. Rewarded 6
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very nice imagery I like it.
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Very deep write. Never give up on her or anybody else you love. I have been an addict for 15 years, off , and on, I can relate to both sides of what you write. We become very selfish people, it is nothing personal..... she wants to love you more than the "rock", and she may some day, but selfishness gluttony and a drive to feed the desire are impeding that ...... like Linus in the "Peanuts" cartoon, all the dust and insects and dirt and stuff flying around his head makes it impossible to see 2 feet beyond his own head.
bye,
ted -
this is absolutely a beautiful write. your rhymes are so smooth from one to the other. sorry about your girlfriend. all i can say is to be there for her as much as humanly possible and then maybe more and irk the heck outta her so she'll get help. thats all you can do. great write.
. Rewarded 6
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This is very touching to me. I have dealt with loved ones under the influence of drugs, and I can completely understand... Gorgeously written, and best of luck to the both of you,
Akari
. Rewarded 4
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dance your girl right into rehab..,drugs wont do nobody no good and i figured that one out the INCREDIBLY hard way, like weeks of withdrawls.
so give your girlfrend a little (bigger) nudge to the livable side of life...
fantastic write darling!
love love
vitamin
. Rewarded 6
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I must say this hit very close to home for me. I just got out of an 8 month long relationship that I was planning on being in for the rest of my life...My ex was using drugs, first it was cocaine, then heroine. I watched her snort coc and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to stay with her so badly, but all she wanted was drugs ya' know...I admire you for still being there. I had to leave.
I liked this, good job =)
"She walks with crystals of betrayal
Her limbs are weak, her skin is pale
But in her hands, these rocks will stay
And underneath the moon, she'll lay"
That whole stanza was beautiful.
and the ending was so powerful, well done
. Rewarded 8
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I commented already, but I'm going to do it again... and applaud! I forgot that earlier... my bad. lol. keep it up! an dogod luck, thanks for entering!
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Wow, very nice! This poem is so powerful and it describes in great detail how a crack addict really behaves. Fantastic job, and I wish all the best to you and your girlfriend.
. Rewarded 4
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WOW Is That How you really feel
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wow. this is such a great poem. really powerful. and it makes totalt sense after reading the footnote. this is a great poem. good luck in the contest too
. Rewarded 4
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It is with great courage that we must let go for the unrepenting and denying mind has no room for mercy. It is a difficult battle that you must fight but lest you leave her to that certain death her loved one's would intercede in the name of the all-mighty indeed.
I am so sorry to hear that there is another fallen angel to this deadly disease, humanity is doomed to fail as god has receeded from this mortal scene.
I like it, I like it so.
. Rewarded 8
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OMFG! Wow. This is amazing. i love it. Hopefully she beats the addiction. Addictions can kill, no matter what they may be. This is an amazing piece with great rhyme and imagery and metaphor. WOW!
. Rewarded 4
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wow. that's gotta be harsh, having your girl on crack. yeah, my bf has been drinking, and I don't like that that much... You did a wonderful job writing this. You should put this in my contest... (not created yet, but it will be in a few minutes... lol. I'll send you the link to it whenever I get it posted... alright? You did a wonderful job! good luck in the contest you're already in!!! keep up your amazing work! best of luck with you and your girl!!! Hoping she gets help and stops doing drugs! Just keep your head held high!!!
Crimson -
What a tragic situation you find yourself in - losing her to her addiction for this drug. Without some intervention, help from you and others who care, you know the final result. Good rhythm, rhyme and flow in these lines - easy to read and understand.
. Rewarded 6
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This is really good. It's got a lot to it and it's different. It's also beautiful.
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