your feet hit hard
on the ground, in a steady beat
you trip, falling over a root
and then your eyes meet
his eyes shine in the light
your vision begins to fade
the stars shine in the night
the trance that he has made
he wonders why this fallen angel
looks with sympathy
he thought he was the terror at night
but now all he can see
is her blue eyes shining hard
her tears begin to drain
and he realizes she is crying for him
crying for all his pain
running from all who made fun of him
the moon became his call
and he realizes not everyone's evil
sometimes you just fall
falling's not a reason
to cause someone tears
but the choice he made has bound him
for eternal years
he helps her to her feet
telling her to run
closes his eyes, lets the angel go
and tells her to have fun
take in the moments that hurt the most
take in the ones that don't
take in the moments you think you'll regret
cause most of them you won't
then he remembers
he is bound by fate
and him
every human will always hate
the need for blood,
inside grows
he turns to run
because he knows
if he runs into the angel
his fears may all come true
as he turns to look in the distance
she yells "I'll pray for you"
A contest entry
- Vampire's Embrace by Vagabond.
450 points, ended October 31, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
too good...
I can't really criticize this. The rhyme is on, it flows nicely, and as a vampire lover this just ROCKS. -
I'm in love
Sorry... i know you're looking for some criticisms but i absolutely love this poem. I can totally relate... -
WOW!
A very touching piece. I also think that with a few ajustments with wording this peice would be perfect. I really like the message you are portraying. Plus, I'm a vampire for Halloween! Beautifully written and I can feel the emotion. Great job!
-
Hey! Thanks for entering my contest! And for entering such a wonderful poem. I definantly think that this piece has alot of potential to become a touching write. At the same time, there are places in the poem where the rhyme and phrasing that was chosen diminishes the quality of the piece. With some editing and a little fine tuning, this piece could really shine, and i think that you could make it great. Again, thanks for the entry! And Best of luck in my contest!
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